Dear Ex-Wife

I have been with your ex-husband for a year now. We tried to date 5 years ago but the situation with you was just too difficult and we decided to end things. I thought things were better now. They are in a way, but you are still such a negative influence on him. You have damaged him and continue to do so. What’s really sad is that you are doing the same thing to your son.

I was a single mom when I met your ex-husband. My ex simply left and was never seen again. My daughter does not have a father; she has never even met him. She misses him or at least misses having a dad every single day. Financially, things have always been tight. I’ve had to take on two or three jobs to be able to make ends meet.

You on the other, have been blessed with a wonderful ex. He is a patient man and he never gets angry, hit or become verbally abusive. He loves his son more than anything and will put up with anything from you to keep his son healthy and happy. He has helped you financially, he is present at everything and has never disappointed his son. Yet, you don’t seem to realise this.

You treated him awfully when you were with him. You are the one who proposed marriage to him. You are the one who barely invited anybody from his side at YOUR wedding. Yes, it was your wedding only. I have seen the photos. You barely even looked at him! You are the one who sat my mother-in-law, this incredible woman, far away from the wedding party and replaced her by an aunt of yours.  You made him miserable, and yet still decided to have a child with him. You are the one who threw him out, and yet you keep this grip on him that is just unhealthy.

You followed him all the way to his work, actually getting yourself hired at his job! You solicit him for money all the time. Yet you try, by any means necessary to keep him at bay. You never inform him of anything regarding his son and he has to call and almost beg for the information. Don’t you know how lucky you are to have such a man be the father of your child? Don’t you know that I would give anything for him to be the father of my child? Do you know how much all of this is affecting your son? I would tell you how much this is affecting me, but you wouldn’t care. You care about no one else than yourself. You control everything, and because my man does not want his son to see his parents fighting, he gives in to everything. He is stuck between trying to build a life with us and you all the time! He was single for the last 7 years because he just did not see how it was possible with you! You kept summoning him all the time and making him feel guilty for wanting a life of his own!

He does not want another child because of you. He believes that women are all as awful as you. All as manipulative and hurtful! He does not want to bring in another child because of the guilt he feels for his son. I’m working hard to show him that it is not the case; that women are not all like that. But your son will be stuck with you forever. I feel so awful for him that his mother would prefer to make him cry to get her way. He will have to deal with you as an adult and the pattern will probably be the same. He won’t get to choose the way he wants to lead his life, you will. I find that so awful! Your son is confused, hurt and it’s all because of you. I can’t believe you don’t see that.

You have a new husband. You should be content. But one man is not enough. This husband of yours does not seem to satisfy you. So you go after mine! After 7 years of divorce you still hold on to my man. You still do it on purpose to call when you know we are away together for a weekend. You still found a way to make sure you spend every day with him at work. You still found a way to be in his life even though you did not want him anymore. You can’t do that. You can’t throw away someone and decide to still keep the parts that please you. Yes, my man is successful. He has drive and passion at work and does well financially. You long for that part of life with him. That’s why you hover around like some kind of rat! You don’t value his skills as a father, you value his money. He is useful to you because he will lend you money when you need it.

Every time I see you with him, you are mean to him. You call him fat or make fun of him. And he takes it. He takes it because of his son. He is the only parent who truly cares about that child. He puts up with you for that reason only. Don’t you go and think that he cares about you. He only cares about his son and that’s what makes him a great man.

Every day I try to show him that he can be treated properly by someone he loves. Not all women are like you! Every day I work at repairing the damage. I may never be able to get him to marry me or have a child with me, but I love him every day despite you. I will support him and I will value him and I will try to make up for what you did and for what you still do.

You are an awful human being. You don’t deserve to have him in your life. You don’t deserve to call yourself a mother. I would never do to my child what you keep on doing. I would never use my daughter to get my way. I will always put her first. That is something that you know nothing about. You put yourself first, always. I hope one day your son realises what you have done and I am sure that he will realise the great father he has. He already loves his father very much and is so much more demonstrative with him than with you.

I believe in karma. I believe that life is fair and that people eventually get what they deserve. You will be a very bitter old woman. You will be the person your son gets away from. Your future daughter-in-law will avoid you. They will arrange it so they see as little of you as possible.  I know this will not happen to my man. His love is true and his son will know that. He will look forward to visiting his dad.

I still have to put up with you, for many years to come. I’m ready for you! Bring it on!

To My Stepdaughter

So you have finally made the decision to move in with the mother who abandoned you, the woman who never visited, called, or even remembered your birthday. Now that you are 17 she is so cool, she is the greatest. I hope that you get every desire fulfilled by her, I hope that I am wrong and that you are not making the biggest mistake in the world and will probably regret it the rest of your life. I know from your daily postings on your FACEBOOK that you hate me and your father. That we are horrible people that expected you to finish high school go to college and make something of yourself. I know that it is easy for you to blame me afterall I am the “evil” stepmother. The one who ruined everything for you. The one who helped your dad build a stable life for you and your brothers, helped buy and build and brand new house where you had your own room. You have your own car which you did not have to pay for that you have complained about everyday since you got it. It may not be the cool car you think you deserve but yet my 16 year old still goes without one.

I hate you for trying to blame everything on your dad. You are responsible for the outcome of your life. You pushed me out— no shoved my out.  I have not spoken more than a few words when forced to in the past year. Even when you still send me text messages asking me to do things for you. Because when you want something that is the only time I am good for anything. I really don’t know why you think you deserve to be treated as a princess and still nothing is EVER good enough for you.

How are you going to explain to your brothers someday that the mother did not want any of you invited YOU to come live with her? Will you become and alcoholic? Drug addicted? Maybe be a stripper like she suggested? Because afterall as she says education is overrated and you don’t need it.

Now I count down the days until you leave this house, I am looking forward to it December 19th. You have made life miserable for me and my children for long enough. Your father is nice enough to say you are welcome at Christmas time, we know the only reason you would every show up is for the gifts. But he is such a wonderful dad so yes there will be gifts for you. He is even going to sign the car you hate over to you and your mom.

I was not much older than you when my dad died and not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had him back. I know that someday you will see your mom for who she really is and will see your father for who he is. I just hope it will not be too late.

As for me , I would love for you to wake up one day and realize you screwed up trying to ruin our lives. I hope that I have forgiven you by then and we will be able to have relationship. And that you will embrace your three step siblings instead of hating them for being happy for what they have and not complaining. See my kids biological dad is dead they don’t have the option of running instead of growing up. They had to do that 4 years ago. I hope you eventually grow up too and think about someone besides yourself.

Your fathers wife and “mother” to your brothers

Dear stepdaughter

I found your note “Are you ready to be a stepmom? My dear…” in my book. I don’t exactly know your feeling or your point when you asked, but I take it as a chance for us to communicate.

For the idea about “I would be a stepmom,” I know it’s hurt and hard for you. It sounds crazy and laughable. But let’s concentrate on “how I’m going to be” instead of roughly a word “stepmom.” It’s not about “I am going to be a stepmom.” It’s about “I want to find a way to communicate clearly and build a healthy relationship with you, no
matter which kind of relationships it will be.

I’m just a normal, imperfect person. I always make mistakes, and my usual way to survive is to make mistakes and to learn from mistakes. That’s the way how I grow.

I’m ready, ready to face problems and challenges. God is creating our heart, soul, personality everyday in our lives through difficulties and tests. Life is to love, to pay and to serve. These are my goals to live. I enjoy every moment when I am trying to make an effort and God is building me up. That’s why I’m exist and why I’m here for you.

I don’t like the word “step-mom.” You can call me whatever you like, but I told you that I’m not going to replace your mom. Your mom is irreplaceable in anyone’s heart. I told you that and I thought you understood my meaning. I feel sad when I saw the note. I feel sad because I see your heart bleeding when you wrote the note.

I know that I’m not good. I’m aware of that. I don’t have any experience to be a “mom-like-person.” I just want to be a friend or a big sister with you and your brother. Love can be in thousands different formats! You know, girls always need to have someone who can just listen, understand how they feel, without challenging why they feel so. I would rather to be that someone. However, I’m still far from there.

I’m not sensitive enough to catch all of your feelings instantly. I’m not smart enough to know when I should talk or when I shouldn’t talk. I don’t know how can make you feel better or how would drive you crazy.

I’m not ready. That’s why I read books about steps. It’s because I’m just human and limited. How can I do  something when I have no idea? How can I understand what you think and meanings behind your words? I can get some practical suggestions to handle our current problem by reading books from someone who has been in similar situation.

Steps/Stepmom/Stepchildren are just situations, not roles to play or names for calling. If I say I’m ready to be a qualified “stepmom” after I read certain books about “stepmom,” it’s ridiculous. I could never learn how to swim if I just read books about “swimming.”

I want to get some methods to understand you and to communicate with you, to find some helps, and to know someone who can understand my feelings by reading their books.

I try to love, but not to persuade you into making me feel easier, not to be granted any honor, not to earn any appreciation. Of course I would feel easier if I can get some appreciations or identification from you, but that would be a bonus.

I’m always concerned about your feelings, but I don’t know how to express. I’m not afraid to be hurt but I’m afraid of hurting you or making you feel bothered somehow. I respect you and your own feelings. It’s your right to express but I can never force you to. Should I respect you or should I express my sincerity? I hesitate about that. I need your help. Please teach me.

I’m always there for you. It would be appreciated if you can let me know what and how to do. How can we deal with someone we don’t like? Jesus shows the only way is to reach out, communicate and love, but not to flee or close the door.

It’s possible that we can help each another to be healed. It would be better if we can find a communicating channel, and take every step slowly. Please give me some instructions to approach to you, because I’m foolish and just a stranger in your family.

I wish you could understand that you are always in my heart and I value your opinion on every matter in your family, especially on our marriage. I’m not going to get married to your dad, but to dad, you, your brother and even mom. You four are a whole package and never going to be divided.

You are not required to accept me or like me. I know dad makes you feel pressured, but it’s your schedule and no one can force. You get many challenges in front of you: your school work, your friends, your service, your life, your future. You just want your home as a safe place for you to be yourself and have a rest, not for war. I’m not
your battle. I just want to help to maintain a home for you to laugh and tear freely. I just concentrate on how I can help your relationship with dad to be better but not to be worse, without standing between you and dad.

Please take your time and relax.

Thanks for your attention!

Stepmom

Dear Husband’s Ex-Wife:

My husband and I are pregnant with our first child.
We have never been so excited in our whole lives.

We are telling his children, my two step-children, during the few hours you have graciously given us. Per your instructions we will be returning them to you right after we eat.

We were planning to tell them during Thanksgiving week, which is our legally-allotted visitation, so they would have several days with us to ask questions and get used to the idea of a new brother or sister.

BUT, because of your hissy fits, guilt-tripping, threats and nagging, YOU will be the one to answer all those questions. We wanted to give the kids time to “calm down” for YOUR benefit.

My sweet husband and I had a plan so that you wouldn’t be so hurt by the news. BUT, because you decided to be selfish about Thanksgiving, this is going to come crashing down on your head.

This news will most likely shatter your perception that you are the “holy keeper of the functioning uterus” and you will no doubt go ballistic, and take it out on my dear, sweet, father-in-law, who will be dropping off the kids at your house.

We did not get pregnant to hurt you.

We got pregnant because we love each other and wanted to make a family.

Our baby will be your childrens’ (half) sibling. If we hear that you told them that the baby is not their “real” brother or sister, we will call you out on your lie.

As usual, I am sure this will turn into a big drama that is “all about you” and how my dear sweet husband “hurt you” and “left his family”.

We would not be surprised if you tried to get pregnant right away, too, if only to steal attention away from this baby. (after all, you did change your wedding date to get married FIRST, and make up lies and wild stories to ruin important days for us.) Just remember that this is NOT ABOUT YOU. PLEASE.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

I hope to God that this announcement will not ruin your Thanksgiving, if it does, just remember you were the one who decided it was more important for you to see them during our time, despite the fact we have to make the 400 mile drive to see the kids, then for us to give you “buffer time” for the kids to process that they are going to be big

brother and big sister.

Thanks,

THE NEW WIFE.

Dear Ex-Wife

I am writing you this letter because you refuse to even say hello to me when I say hello to you, or when we are in the same room together.  I know I should be thankful that for 2 years I haven’t ever had to have a conversation with you.  Not a mean one or a nice one, just looks and glares from you.  I learned a long time ago that your opinion of me doesn’t matter, and I don’t need to have a relationship with you.  However, your kids see what a bitch you are to me, and I think you are doing more damage to your own character by the way act.  Even your boyfriend is pleasant to us, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to be nice for even 2 or 3 minutes.  It used to irritate me, but now I just feel sorry for you.  I feel sorry for you because you act as if you are happy and have moved on with your life, but clearly you haven’t and you are still so bitter about your divorce.  It must be hard to carry that hate and anger around all of the time, but at the same time trying to convince yourself and everyone around you that you are happier now than you’ve ever been.

Let me be clear, I do not wish to be friends with you.  You are not the kind of friend I would have in my life.  However, I do think that we should be able to be cordial to each other.  I am helping to raise your kids for crying out loud.  The way things are now I spend more time with them than you do, and I’m going to be around for a very long time.  They will have brothers or sisters because of me that they will be bonded to. Wouldn’t it be easier to just accept our lives for what they are?  I have had to do that, and it hasn’t been easy.  You have 2 amazing kids that love you very much, but they also love me and their dad.  They worry about hurting your feelings, but they are smart kids and have learned how to make you feel better.  It’s sad they have to lie to you though because you are so uninvolved and insecure with your relationship with them.  They feel like they have no other choice.  You’ve punished them for not calling you every day when they are with us, you’ve punished them if they want to see their dad, you’ve done everything you said you would never do to try to turn your kids against their dad.  You are their mom, they will always need you and love you.  They shouldn’t have to chase you down and tell you that several times a day.  They are your kids.  Your teenage kids who are trying to figure out who they are and need a little space to grow.  They are not your friends.  If you want friends…go make some.

Your hate and negative outlook on the world causes them great anxiety.  They are scared of very simple things that kids their age should be excited about.  They are afraid to live their lives.  Is that what you want for them?  It’s not what their dad wants for them, and as their stepmom, I don’t want that either.  They are smart kids who need a little bit of guidance, self esteem, and freedom to start making some decisions for themselves.  Especially your daughter.  She’s such a kind soul.  She’s also very impressionable and I worry that she’s learning that as long as she marries someone with money she’ll be ok in her life.  She doesn’t seem to understand that women can be more than a wife and mother unless they are single.  She talks all the time about money, and how worried she is about it all the time.  She gets that from you.  She hears your fights with her dad, and knows that you are always mad about money, but then says you need more money from her dad.  You know you are divorced right?  You know that he’s no longer your husband and shouldn’t have to keep taking care of you.   You need to get a real job with one of your many degrees and not work 15 hours a week in a teenager job.   Do you really feel like you deserve alimony?  You know it won’t last forever?  He’s a great dad, and always does and always will take care of those kids.  He divorced you because he doesn’t want to be with you or take care of you anymore.  It’s time for you to step up and take care of yourself.  Not only does he pay you alimony, but also a lot in child support (and you do nothing for the kids with), and he goes way above and beyond that.  A lot of my own money goes towards your kids.  YOUR kids, not MY kids.  I take your kids shopping when their clothes don’t fit, I do homework with them, I buy stuff they need for school, and I buy a lot of the food they eat, I buy gifts they need for friends, and I’ve helped buy things for you.  I’ve never heard so much crap about money as I have from you.  You are such a gold digger!  How is it possible that with 4 adults now taking care of your kids instead of just 2 there is so much bitching about money?  Oh, I know why…you are the one who doesn’t really work, but loves to spend money on anything to keep you from working.  It angers me that money that should be in my household goes into yours.  It angers me that the person I love pays you a great deal of money every month and then we have kids wearing clothes that don’t fit and never have things they need for school.  How do you look at them with their flood pants and not try to get them new clothes? I can’t bear to allow them to have to be that way.  I give up things of my own for your kids, and you can’t even do it for your own children.  It’s so pathetic.

I’m not trying to replace you.  I would never try to do that.  I have a mom and a stepmom and I know how it works and doesn’t work.  I am trying to make sure that I am involved in their lives.  They need it and they ask for it whether you want to believe that or not.  I do not poison them against you, even though you give me plenty of ammo to do so.  It would never help anything.  I stick up for you when they complain about how you never do anything with them and care more about yourself and your boyfriend.  I make sure they have a good relationship with their dad.  I give them a lot of time alone with him.  Not because I don’t like the kids and don’t want to be around, but because it’s good for them to build their relationship.  They tell us they beg you for time alone and you don’t give it, and your boyfriend doesn’t make sure they get it.  That’s sad.  They are growing up before your eyes and you will look back and regret these missed times.  I am their stepmom, and I take that very seriously.  I wish you took your place in their life seriously.  I think it would make them very happy if you did.

I ask that you stop acting like a bitch, and stop bad mouthing us to the kids.  You are only hurting them and yourself.  I know you are trying to hurt us, but we know who we are and what we care about.  I’m glad you are their mom because you brought them into this world.  However, just because you have a working uterus does not make you a good mom.  It’s time to step up, let your bitterness go, and be the mom those kids need you to be.

Stepmom

Dear Stepdaughter

I used to think you were adorable and sweet, and you thought I was pretty and fun.  We did things that families do, wrestle in the living room and cuddle up all together watching a movie.  You said you would like it if I moved in with you and your dad, but soon after I did, you realized that he loves me.  I can confidently say that I never tried to step in between the two of you and your relationship because I thought it was beautiful, but when I saw behind the scenes, how you used your father and abused him and didn’t care about his feelings and drove him crazy with your clingy, whiny, demanding, bratty, spoiled behavior, I couldn’t stand by and just let the Love of my life be treated that way by his own daughter.  I started to step in, feeling like I had to save him from you because it became apparent that you actually made him quite miserable when the public eye wasn’t on you.  You began to become jealous of his love for me, probably because he smiled more when I was around because I treat him like I care about him and WANT to make him happy.  You started to pick at my feelings and tell me you didn’t want me to be involved with various activities so that you could have him all to yourself, only to make him miserable again.  You can be so spiteful to me with the sweetest expression, unwavering, on your face.  I honestly fear for all the ways you may come up with in the future to hurt me, when I try so hard to take care of you and do nice things for you.  You don’t like me because I’ve showed your father how life CAN be in the home, pleasant and happy and peaceful, and now he doesn’t let you cause chaos quite as much as before I came into his life.  I just wish you would listen when we tell you how if you treat people nicely and show some concern for their feelings, they will bend over backwards to do things for you, because we could be such a happy family if you would start treating your father and I better.  He and I are both very giving people and would do anything for you if you weren’t such a brat.  I really enjoyed you being around before, your father asked me fearfully if I saw his having a child as a bonus or a deterrent, and I said bonus, but you are so difficult to live with I sometimes wish you’d stay with your mom all the time and leave us alone because you so obviously hate that we have each other and try to keep us from being happy.

That being said, I have a soft spot in my heart for you still, maybe soft from being so bruised…but it is there for you and I love you.  And I’m not giving up on the idea of you loving me back because some day you will realize that I work really hard to bring us together as a family, and I’m never going to stop or give up.

Love,
Stepmom

Dear Stepmum

Gill I love you. You have always been there for me. I have always respected you and I respected you so much more once I became a StepMum myself, I know how difficult it must have been for you, but you HAVE made a difference in my life and you have taught me so much, and I thank you for that. I am so proud that my Dad met you and I am so proud to have two very special sisters. Gill, I hope you are able to see “facebook” now that you are no longer suffering and you now know that I love you. I should have told you.

I will do all that I am able to help Dad and your Girls . I hope you know how special you are to me.

You will be in my heart and memories forever. I love you Gill.

Your Stepdaughter,

Emma xx

Dear Stepson

You are just about the cutest thing I have ever seen! I love you to pieces. You were almost three the first time I met you, practically still a baby. You were in a clingy stage with your dad and didn’t really want anyone else to hold you. I remember one Sunday not too long after we met, it was while your dad and I were still just friends and not dating yet, when I saw you all at church and you came running across the lobby, calling my name, and holding out your arms for a hug—that warmed my heart so much! At the same time I was falling in love with your dad I was also falling in love with you and your sister.

Now you are four going on fifteen. Your favorite word is “no” and sometimes that makes us crazy! But even so you are still such a sweet little boy. You look so much like your dad, and you have so many of his mannerisms. One of the things I love best about you, is how much you are like him in your personality…you are only four and yet I can already say that you are a child with a genuinely kind heart. You are so generous and giving.

I feel so lucky to be in your life when you are still small…sometimes I wish time would freeze and you would always be small. I cherish the time I get to spend with you. I love hearing your cute little voice, the way you mispronounce your r’s, and especially your contagious laugh when you crack yourself up…it cracks everyone around you up too. I love when you want to have a hug and especially when I’m hugging your dad and you come running for a Group Hug! I like it when you ask me to snuggle with you in the bed or on the couch…your little body is so tiny and warm, and I am in awe of how quickly you are growing.

Recently I had a dream in which you were a teenager, almost grown up and taller than me. It was a little on the weird side, because I know those days are coming and probably sooner than I want them to! I love you so much. I hope we can always have the warm and positive relationship we have now. I can’t wait to see what a fine young man I know you will turn out to be!

All my love,
Your stepmom

Dear Stepdog

I know your first human “mom” abandoned you and left you all alone, and you were lonely and scared and hungry. My heart breaks to think about what you went through, and so unnecessarily as we wanted you all along and we didn’t know you were alone. We are doing the best we can to help you with your anxiety and other issues. We have hired an expert trainer to help us all learn how to be a successful pack. I am trying hard to be patient, kind, and understanding of you.

But the fact is you are making me crazy with some of your behaviors and my patience is running very thin! You cannot keep destroying my stuff; you cannot keep pushing my elderly dog or the cats out of the way when they are getting attention; you cannot keep stealing food off the counter/table/trash/directly out of the children’s hands; you cannot keep jumping on people/slapping them with your paws/bumping them with your wet nose when you want attention; you cannot keep taking tissues out of the bathroom trash and shredding them; and most of all you cannot keep freaking out and doing the “devil dog scream” when we see other dogs on our walks. It is scary, embarrassing, and dangerous.

We are trying so hard to help you. We want you to feel safe and loved because you ARE safe and loved. We will never abandon you, and you will never be left alone, we promise you. Please trust us. Please just chill out.

All my love,

Your new forever human mom

To My Husband’s Ex-Wife

You have done a lot of crappy things (I could write a book!), but one of the worst things you did was to abandon the dog—literally. We’re not sure exactly how long you left her alone at the house, checking every few days, but we’re pretty sure it was at least a couple of weeks. The only reason we found out she was alone is because she escaped and the neighbor called. Why didn’t you just ask us to go get her? You knew we were going to take her once the house was sold anyway. There was no reason to leave her there alone, except your own selfishness, and habit of being concerned only for yourself. By the way, I know you prefer your animals to be on the skinny side, but the dog was 25 pounds underweight when we got her…25 pounds! She was definitely malnourished, no wonder she tried to run away. And it really pisses me off every time you come to our house and mention how “fat” she’s getting…no, she’s not fat, she’s finally getting the right amount to eat, on a daily basis! The vet says her current weight is exactly what it should be.

It’s not a shock that now we have some pretty significant separation anxiety problems with her. It is really pitiful, you can see the panic in her eyes when she is having an anxiety attack. She’s even on puppy prozac, but we have a long way to go with her to fix what you wrought.

I know it never even crosses your mind the way you mistreated her, or the fallout that we are dealing with, but I hope someday karma bites you in the butt. How dare you treat a helpless animal like that! Someday I hope someone is as mean to you as you were to her.