Dear Husband

We have had yet another fight.  And it’s because I told you that it hurt my feelings when [X] said my dinner was basically gross.  It hurt my feelings when you laughed and she smiled so proudly about it.  So then I told you about the time she looked at the food my grandma made and said “that looks gross”.  And because of that, I am in trouble.  I am a “drama queen”.

You tell me this is what children do and that I need to get over it.  You hold that child so high on a pedestal that you don’t even know what harm you are doing to her.  I love her and I want her to be able to grow into an adult that can make it in this world.  And right now I don’t think it’s going to happen .  I know she is perfect in your eyes, I get it.  But whenever anyone tells her something she or you don’t like, they in your words should be “written off”.  So she is growing up with the idea that if anyone disagrees with her, they aren’t worth anything.  And that is exactly what you do to me.  If I don’t agree with you, I hear such harsh words towards my character.

I feel like I’m invisible.  I’m only good if I am doing everything that you and her want me to do.  I don’t have an opinion, but when she has an opinion, rude or not, you tell me that she should be able to be honest and have an opinion.  Yet, you forget about tact.  You say you are the only one that truly knows and loves her.  You say I am a good “mother” to her, but when I point out something, I am nothing.  And you do all of this in front of her so she will eventually disrespect me as you do.

I’m miserable.  I’m truly on my way out.  I can’t handle the crying anymore, I can’t handle being told I am crazy or a “drama queen” because I have opinions about things regarding parenting.  Yes, I know I do not have any children of my own, but just because you have children it doesn’t mean you are the only expert. I chose not to have children with my ex-husband because I KNEW it wasn’t the right thing.  You have 2 children by two different women who you say you didn’t even love.  Your 26 yoa son doesn’t talk to you most likely because you married [X]’s mom who was only 9 years older than him and you basically shut him out once [X] was born.  And that’s exactly how I feel.  I don’t deserve to be disrespected or talked to in the matter that you talk to me.  And do you even realize how ridiculous you sound when sticking up for how rude she is?

The funny thing about it is that if you hear any other child say anything you deem “rude”, you are calling them a “insert bad word here”….Such a hypocrite.  So, from now on, I WILL keep my mouth shut and if I am still around, I guess I will just watch you raise a child that will not be able to cope in the real world because not everyone in the world will think she is a perfect little princess like you do.  You ARE doing a dis-service to her, but since you are the all knowing GOD, you don’t even realize it.  Control freak, hypocrite is what you are.


~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on October 26, 2011.

2 Responses to “Dear Husband”

  1. You are really going through a tough time and I am sorry. It is very difficult when your husband is not really on your side. Have you read any of the disengaging articles that can be found on the internet? It might help. Not sure how old your Step child is, but I know it does not work to cook for an 8 year old. Her main stay is chicken or lunchables. But no matter what she is respectful. She will try things and if she doesn’t like it it is okay. But I always have mac and cheese handy and of course chicken.
    I am not suzie home maker by any means.
    I have struggled and will struggle, but I will NOT allow disrespect in my home. Towards me, each other even the dog. Everyone is part of the family. I suggest reading some of the articles on the net – it helps. There is NOTHING written that you have to cook, clean, etc. for this child or the ungrateful father.

  2. So sorry you lived that too.

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