To my Step Children’s Biological Mother,

I’m writing to say i’ve had enough. I’m so tired of you always inserting yourself into our lives, when you don’t even truly want to be part of your childrens. We deal with you because we love the kids and don’t want to alienate them from their mother. You fought for custody (a.k.a child support so you didn’t have to get a job), you worked the system, and you won. We pay you 904$ a month for kids that you drop off at your parents, who then tell my husband and I that WE are the bad parents for not picking them up. That WE are bad parents for not getting them to school. Your MOM has to do it because you won’t get up in the mornings and WE have to hear about it. You KNOW we live 1 hour away. You KNOW I don’t have a car. You KNOW how demanding your ex’s job is and that usually he doesn’t get home until around 8 o’clock at night. But you tell your parents that YOUR life is too “stressful” to keep your kids full time. You don’t have a job, you don’t go to school, you don’t pay for your housing, grocery’s, utilities or gas. You “play” on the money that is supposed to go to your children and you don’t care. I understand that you truly believed that your life would be better off without “ties” to your husband, that’s fine because I love him and he loves me and i’m glad that the two of you gave me the opportunity to help raise 3 amazing boys. But do you know what you are doing to those precious kids? They don’t know where they’re going to be after we drop them off. They fight us EVERY Sunday when we are getting them showered and ready, even the 3 year old. They don’t WANT to go see grandma, they want to see their mother. I had to tell your ex the same thing. He has taken off EVERY DAY that we’ve had with the kids because I told them that they came to see their dad not me. They love me, but it doesn’t change the fact that they still want to see him. He got it, why don’t you. I understand it is hard being a full time mom. It’s hard not getting out and seeing everything and feeling like you are stuck at home. I GET IT! But they don’t understand that. They are too young. Do you understand what you put them through emotionally when you kicked their dad out and then had guys come spend the night! G was 7 at the time and had to tell his dad that their was a guy “sleeping in bed with mommy” who wasn’t him. Um, HELLO! You guys were still married. Jump foreword a couple days later and they had to watch their dad kick a man out of their mom’s room because you guys were supposed to be at counsiling! To be frank your actions disgust me. How dare you hurt your children like that. How dare you make them wonder where they are going to be and who is going to be “watching” them. How dare you make a 3, 7 and 9 year old not want to run to their mommy when they are hurt or when something is going on at school. G couldn’t even come to you when he was being bullied at school because you wouldn’t listen. You have them in bed when they are with you at 11 on school nights and when they call us we can ALWAYS hear a bunch of people in the background. Why do you not understand what you are doing to these kids! Then to have the AUDACITY to tell me that I am not a “real” parent. Did you skip over the part where I had a kid? Because you sure threw a fit when you found out I was pregnant. I AM a real mom, not only to my son but to your sons too. They confide in me. They love me. I love them. Just because I didn’t give birth to them DOES NOT MEAN i’m not their mother. If that were the case then what happens when people adopt? Do they not become the childs mom and dad? If you could PLEASE pull your head out, that would be great. I’m so sick of watching broken hearted children when we tell them they have to go back to their moms. I’m so sick of hearing the, “Why can’t we live with you and dad?” and the, “Can’t we stay a few more days? Please?” I HATE telling them no. I hate Utah for ALWAYS siding with the mother. I hate dropping the kids off somewhere they do not want to be. Quit dropping them off at peoples houses like they aren’t worth anything. If you don’t want them, then give us the kids. We would gladly take them. Readily and willingly.

Signed,
4boys (step)mother

~ by Jacquelyn Fletcher on August 1, 2011.

3 Responses to “To my Step Children’s Biological Mother,”

  1. I can relate to your situation, but mine is not as drastic. I do not have children of my own and I see them being used at times and it is horrible. The emotional battles these children must be going through – they didn’t ask for it, they don’t want it and they don’t deserve it. Stay strong and to help myself remember this as well – it should be about the kids and what is best for them!!! Keep up the good work!!

  2. This post hit so close to home. My stepdaughers’ BM have primary custody but we have had them every other week during the summer. During her week the first thing she does is pack them all up and drop them off at her parents’ home so she can be rid of them. During her weekends with them, same thing. DH asked her to take SD4 for one weekend so we could take SD9 and SD10 to an amusement park, but she said no because she needed a “break” from her. I hope that when I have children, I never want that many “breaks” from them.

  3. Pam- I totally agree. My heart goes out to every kid that has to go through a divorce. I never thought I would be in this situation, but wouldn’t change it for the world. Thanks for your support.
    Stepmonster- it is so hard watching kids you are helping to raise go through this. But I truly believe that it will make you cherish the kids you get to keep full time all the more.

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