Dear His Mom,

Dear His Mom:
Well, I have failed to get to that good side of you again. I don’t know if you really have a good side or if you are just so fake you can make people believe it. My psychiatrist (yes, I talked to one because you drive me crazy) was positive that you have narcissistic personality disorder and I’m pretty sure too.
It is amazing to me how you can continually blame me for all of your problems and say everything that has gone wrong is my fault even though:
You cheated on your husband with your neighbor when he was away at war.
You signed the divorce papers agreeing to allow your only son to live with his father and taking all of the family’s belongings, leaving your husband and son with nothing, not even a car, and living with family.
You decided to move out of your current city and move to the other large city in our state instead of the second largest city where your son lives. You told him it was because the water is hard in our city.
You have never visited him more than 7 times in a year.
You went over three months without calling or visiting him.
You don’t help with any of the parenting, including school problems and issues, doctor appointments, medical bills (he has ADHD), his twice chipped tooth, his glasses every year, his school clothes and supplies…
You have never called me or your ex husband and asked how your son is doing.
You just pick him up and drop him off.
You let him stay up as late as he wants, even when it is school time and he has a bedtime at home.
You even went as far as to tell him that I was the reason for your divorce and that your husband cheated on you with me! Even though you knew good and well that he had been gone for a whole year (to Iraq) prior to your divorce. I did have some problems with you at first because I just could not fathom how a mother could give up her child with no questions asked. I think it is really sad that you have actually called child protective services to try and convince them that your fantasies of abuse and drug use in my house are real. You even took pictured of the holes in his socks for them! If you knew your son, you would know that he never goes without socks and he always makes holes in them because he runs around on carpet. I buy him new socks about once every other month. And the times you called the police because you didn’t get a phone call and we didn’t answer the phone: PRICELESS! I admit, it was difficult for me to know you were talking to him on the phone about things like how we don’t love him, we don’t take care of him, or asking him if it is OK if you sleep with your boyfriend that night. It’s really weird to me, and I think could be a bigger issue if we made it one, that you have a 13 year old boy sleeping in the bed with you during your visits, oh, never mind, he sleeps on the floor now because I told him it was weird. Oh yeah, that reminds me, you have been on your own for six years now, and you love your son to death, right? So why in the world has he never had a room in your houses or apartments? You can pick on me about how he gets in trouble when he is disrespectful to a teacher, but why do you see nothing wrong with the fact that he sleeps on the floor for the entire summer? Why do you see nothing wrong with the fact that he has been staying by himself for over a year while you go to work and out? And what was it that prevented you from keeping him longer than about twelve hours that first Thanksgiving holiday? Oh yeah, you had to go out with your friends, even though you hadn’t seen YOUR SON in over three months! And please, don’t worry about MY CHILDREN whom you have nothing to do with. They are mine and you are not their stepmother. If they called you stupid to your son once, don’t blame me because they are have made their own perceptions of you. I think you have really given your son the best excuses for your behavior: You let him live with his dad because you had HOPES AND DREAMS! REALLY? That’s what you told him!! I have hopes and dreams too, lady. I hope and dream that my children, including my stepson, grow to be old, happy, successful. and wonderful men of God. You know, God. You always talk about God on your GOOD DAYS. Then two days later, I am a female dog for trying to make things work with you for HIS SAKE. No books can help me with you. I have read too many. I must now take the advice you know I get from my husband and just leave well enough alone!
Please Lord, grant me the SERENITY!
P.S. I hope your hopes and dreams work out!

~ by Jacquelyn Fletcher on July 8, 2011.

2 Responses to “Dear His Mom,”

  1. Wow!!! Can I send you a hug or two?!

    I cannot understand how a mom could let her child go without a fight!! I fight constantly to keep my child, it brings tears to my eyes to even think of walking away. I don’t think I could do it. OR move far away. Some people are just not born with a maternal/paternal gene in their body I guess.

    I had hopes and dreams once too but my child became a part of those on the day of her existence.

    How very frustrating for you. Your stepson is getting old enough that he is going to resent his mom. It’s so unhealthy for him to have those feelings. You just have to keep loving him like you are doing and do what is best for him.

    Wonder how CPS would feel about sleeping on the floor. If she doesn’t provide a bed for him when he is there, she needs to sleep on the floor while he gets the bed!

    PS I never knew until having a boy of my own how dirty and hard on their clothes that they are. I do not believe they make a spray and wash strong enough for the dirt and grime that comes home each day and my son is only 3! Lol we go through socks more than any other pair of clothing. Underwear is a close second. My daughter is so clean and her clothes last much longer… I can tell that I am going to spend many years of spraying and washing and replacing of clothes on this boy!! Lol

  2. I think that there are times when allowing a child to reside primarily with another parent is the most selfless choice a parent can make.
    I understand the anger and frustration of the previous commentor and dismissing your post is absolutely not my intent. It is simply something that took me a lot of wasted energy and a very long time to realize.
    There have been many times over the years when I have questioned whether I would have gone forward with marriage knowing what was in store for me. Ultimately, I’m thankful for my ignorance and very grateful for our family. Letting go of my anger, resentment, and expectations has helped me. I hope you find what works for you.

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