Dear Me

Thank you for the time you spent studying about blended families.  You were able to finally understand how common the roles are for all involved.  Everybody was acting on their feelings, which are so commonplace in divorce, remarriage and stepfamilies.  When you finally understood why everyone was behaving as they were, you were released from taking their behavior so personally.  You regained your self-esteem through the process, and that’s a gift no one can take away.

You won’t be writing any letters to anyone else and blaming them.  Holding on to those resentments nearly took your life.  If there is one thing that separates you from everyone else in this blended family, it’s your understanding of why those involved have behaved as they have.  What a gift that has been.

You understand that hateful behavior is often a symptom of fear.  You know that those who struggle so hard to dominate are often those who live in fear the most.  You’ve come to truly understand that you can’t control anyone else, and have found your ability to set limits when others attempt to control you.

While you can now understand why others are stuck in their cycle of hate and you are able to feel empathy for them rather than resentment; you have also learned that engaging them only opens more pipelines for their hate toward you.  Thank you for finally closing those opportunities and for protecting your spirit from further hurt.

No longer do you feel the urge to gain anyone’s approval.  No longer is your self-worth in the hands of someone else.  No longer do you feel the need to prove malicious gossip wrong.  You finally understand that cruel behavior is a reflection of the giver, not the recipient.

You were released when you came to these realizations.  I wish that you could have had these realizations many years ago.  Your life would have been so much better.

Thanks for investing the time to read books on the subject.  It was the key to your freedom.

– Me

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on June 8, 2011.

3 Responses to “Dear Me”

  1. Wow. An amazing letter! Thank you for submitting it.

  2. Yes thank you — I need to copy and paste to my mirror

  3. Any of the resources that you can share with the rest of us who wish to be in the place you are?

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