Dear Kids

Dear Kids,

I cannot believe I have not lived with you all for so long.  It breaks a little more of my heart every day, to know that I don’t see your small triumphs, your small losses, your faces…at this point, I’d settle for your dirty socks.  I miss you all so much, even though I get to spend little dribs and drabs of time with you here and there.

I’ve been talking more often with your father, and the things he tells me are the complete opposite of what I’m hearing from you.  For example, that Youngest was “rescued” from being a druggie by Stepmonster Junior.  Now, this girl constantly brags about “having the ability to get whatever [she] want[s]”, whether it’s alcohol, tobacco, illegal substances, and so on and so forth.  In what *possible* way could someone like that be ANY kind of a “good influence”?  I think Dear Old Dad is living in a dream world.

On to the subject of health care.  Oldest Boy, my firstborn, my Mini-Me, even though you tower over me, your depression is really beginning to worry me, even though you appear on the surface to be clawing your way out, and the reports from your school support this.  D.O.D. is feeding me a line of BS about you every time I see him, like, “He’s missed 7 doctor’s appointments”, or “he refused to cooperate with the doctor when he was asked questions”.   Going by what you have told me, and what your doctor’s office has told me, you were more than cooperative; but Dad ran right over the top of you and *wouldn’t let you speak*!  And the last that I knew, one missed appointment – which you get as a freebie, by the way, according to your doc – did NOT add up to seven.  Do we find out now that Dear Old Dad is weak in math skills?

Middle Boy, amazingly smart, precocious, with not only a wicked, sly, cut-ya-off-at-the-knees-afore-

ya-know-ya-been-hit sense of humor, but a brutal backfist — you have always gone with the flow, more or less.  I know how tough it is for you to watch the Stepmonster ponce around pretending to be something and someone she isn’t, and could never be, simply because of who and what she ACTUALLY is.  Thank all the good Gods that you know what’s what, and you haven’t been taken in even a little bit by her psychosis.  I know you’ve heard the expression “she’s a couple sandwiches short of a picnic!”   Have mercy, you guys are stuck (for now!) living with the embodiment of that figure of speech!

My precious Daughter.  You are such a treasure to me.  In many ways, you have become just as much friend as offspring; you are a comfort to me just by being you.  I know you miss your Daddy so very much, and there is not one single reason I can think of that would explain why he pushes you aside and over-favors SJ.  It’s disgusting, and so wrong.  Maybe I overcompensate for his rejection by, to some extent, providing you with everything you could possibly need – but if I don’t provide for your needs, they won’t be met.  I might be wrong, but that’s how I feel.   When the 3 of us got to spend time together the other day, it was wonderful; we had a great time together, Stepmonster never slithered her way into either the conversation or the situation, and all was well.   I was so happy that you got unrestricted, un-interfered-with Daddy Time, too!  There needs to be more of that, not just for you, but for the boys, as well.

Ah, now…Youngest Boy, we come to you.  Since your Mom passed away, I never tried to take her place, because you already knew me, and loved me, just like your brother did; and I already knew and loved both of you, too.  I just tried to be more *like* a Mom to you – and without either of us really noticing it, you became MY son, and I became YOUR Mom.  And now Stepmonster has a hair across her steadily-expanding ass about this?  That’s just too damn bad, because I’m not giving up on you, and she can’t force you to love her.  As your older brother said, if there was any truth to what your father claims about her, she’d be an entirely different person, a/k/a NICE.

You’re ALL my kids.  I love who you are now, as well as who you have the potential to become, and that is the most important thing of all:  I love you, I will never abandon you, and I am always here no matter what, whenever you need me.

Love Always,

Mom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on June 5, 2011.

9 Responses to “Dear Kids”

  1. You don’t have custody of your own children. Stop blaming others and buy yourself a mirror.

  2. Read and Learn: neither do a good many fathers but they still desire to love, protect and raise their children. Family court creates a win-lose scenario between two presumed fit parents. And since you have no idea if the poster lost custody due to being legitimately unfit or simply a divorce, perhaps you should hold off on judgment without all the information.

    To OP: lovely letter to your children.

  3. The tone of her hatred gives her away. Parents who breed hatred in their children because they can’t get past their own issues, screw up their kids. Many parents don’t realize this until the damage is already done, and they wind up with grown children who have huge insecurities and hatred of their own. This mother admits to overcompensating by giving her daughter whatever she wants. Classic case of game playing over parenting. Chalk this kid up to another entitlement teen with a facebook full of sexy poses and duck lips.

    • Read & Learn: Take your own advice, please. Because I’m not blind to my own shortcomings as a parent and as a human being, suddenly I am breeding hatred in my children? You are so far off base as to not even be in the stadium, my friend.

      Part of the reason I don’t have custody of them is that I was bullied out of the house by my husband and the OW. Since I didn’t own the house, my name was on nothing, and I was forced out. I knew the kids would be just fine. And they are.

      I don’t have a Facebook tart for a daughter, though the current stepmother’s kid is a classic example of that, ironically enough — and my sons are bright, kind-hearted, well-adjusted, nice to people, and treat me and their father with the respect that we have EARNED. It was a little harder for their father to earn back their respect, but it’s coming slowly. And it’s because they’ve been told that they only have ONE father, and they need to have the best relationship possible with him. I – and he – also told them that the kind of relationship they have with his new wife (who, not-so-incidentally, is the woman he cheated on me with, if you even read that far, Read & Learn) is up to them: if they want some sort of cordiality, I wouldn’t even think of interfering. After all, they have to live with her.

      Unfortunately, the current stepmother has shot herself in the foot from the beginning. She began as an interloper, moved along to being an usurper, and ended up as a wannabe dictator. ALL the kids feel this way about her – I’m not “projecting my own hatred” onto her. Nor are they telling me what they think I’d want to hear. Even their father is disgusted with the way she treats them at times.

      And I get my kids what they NEED that their father can’t – or won’t – or isn’t allowed to – provide. They aren’t spoiled, by any means, but I do more than I can afford, quite often. Because they’re my kids, and I love them. If that makes me a bad parent, tough. Only a total ignoramus would tar me with the permissive-parent brush for trying to do right by my children, in whatever fashion I can. Go back and READ my original post. Hopefully you will LEARN something.

  4. I don’t think that the poster , “Mom” is actually the BM in this situation — she states when she is writing to the youngest “Since your mom passed away . . .” — which would indicate that she used to be their stepmom, but has since been replaced. This also explains why she does not have custody. Maybe Read and Learn should actually do some reading and learning before offering an opinion 😉

    • I thought the same thing too …

    • Hi Wednesday. Yes, I am actually the bio-mommy in this situation, to the oldest boy and the girlie. =) The other two boys don’t feel that I’m any less their stepmom because their dad remarried. We are still very close.

      They weren’t overly fond of the new woman to begin with – they told both my ex and me on several occasions that they found her “pushy” and “intrusive”, and were very uncomfortable with the idea that he was pushing her on them as a future potential stepmother. They like her even less now.

  5. Wow Read and Learn … Move along.

    Nice letter to your children OP.

  6. Re-posted in reply to “Read & Learn”, from June 8, 2011…..

    Read & Learn: Take your own advice, please. Because I’m not blind to my own shortcomings as a parent and as a human being, suddenly I am breeding hatred in my children? You are so far off base as to not even be in the stadium, my friend.

    Part of the reason I don’t have custody of them is that I was bullied out of the house by my husband and the OW. Since I didn’t own the house, my name was on nothing, and I was forced out. I knew the kids would be just fine. And they are.

    I don’t have a Facebook tart for a daughter, though the current stepmother’s kid is a classic example of that, ironically enough — and my sons are bright, kind-hearted, well-adjusted, nice to people, and treat me and their father with the respect that we have EARNED. It was a little harder for their father to earn back their respect, but it’s coming slowly. And it’s because they’ve been told that they only have ONE father, and they need to have the best relationship possible with him. I – and he – also told them that the kind of relationship they have with his new wife (who, not-so-incidentally, is the woman he cheated on me with, if you even read that far, Read & Learn) is up to them: if they want some sort of cordiality, I wouldn’t even think of interfering. After all, they have to live with her.

    Unfortunately, the current stepmother has shot herself in the foot from the beginning. She began as an interloper, moved along to being an usurper, and ended up as a wannabe dictator. ALL the kids feel this way about her – I’m not “projecting my own hatred” onto her. Nor are they telling me what they think I’d want to hear. Even their father is disgusted with the way she treats them at times. * And with how she treats him. (I have no sympathy – he chose her over me and so he can just live with it.)

    And I get my kids what they NEED that their father can’t – or won’t – or isn’t allowed to – provide. They aren’t spoiled, by any means, but I do more than I can afford, quite often. Because they’re my kids, and I love them. If that makes me a bad parent, tough. Only a total ignoramus would tar me with the permissive-parent brush for trying to do right by my children, in whatever fashion I can. Go back and READ my original post. Hopefully you will LEARN something.

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