Dear Ex-Husband

Dear Ex-Husband,

Well, we have been divorced for a little over a year now.  It’s funny – when we were sitting together in the lobby of the courtroom (with your then-girlfriend and your mother on the other side of the wall, avidly listening to every word we spoke to each other), you promised me that you would never hate me, never encourage our children to be unkind to me, and that you would always be my best friend, no matter what.  It sure didn’t take long for all that to break down.  It’s the influence of that woman, the one you deserted me for — the one who stabbed me in the back, and took over my life like some sort of poisonous pod person.

What is so damn special about her, really?  She has LIED TO YOU, again and again.  She has stolen from you. (And me, AND our daughter!)  She bullies our children.  She treats your other family members like they were put in the world to serve her!  She is the kind of person who considers anyone who was in your life before her — especially any other females! — to be a threat to her.  And yet, she ignores you at home, only to hang all over you in public?  What the hell is up with that?!  She has no idea how to be a friend, no idea how to be a partner.  All she does is complain; complain about money, complain about her daughter, complain about our kids, complain about having “no time” to do anything because she is “so busy” all the time.  Busy doing what?  She hasn’t worked a second in the time she’s been with you.  When you and I were married, I usually worked two jobs, sometimes three, to help make ends meet!  She does NOTHING all day.  How do you stand having her up your butt 24/7?  I would be buying stock in Ex-Lax!

Well, regardless, my friend – you chose her, you married her, and now you’re stuck with her. Don’t look for sympathy from me, because you’re an idiot, and you dumped me to be with her. Don’t look for a pity screw, either; I may have been alone for a year, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to fall into bed with you if you crook your finger my way.  Unlike herI do not do married men.

You’ll wake up someday, but you know what?  It’s already too late.  You and I – and our kids! – all know that she doesn’t make you happy; never has, never will.   She met you while her marriage was starting to fail, and you were convenient.  That’s all.  She didn’t give a blue fart that you were married; she wanted you, and women like her always get what they want, because they’re willing to trample all over anyone and everyone to get it!   And obviously, you must have seen something in HER – but I cannot imagine what the hell it possibly could have been.   But you know what?  I’d never come up against anyone like that before – someone so completely amoral that they would smash a mostly happy 20-year marriage along its fault lines and stomp through the wreckage to get what they were after!  How the hell was I supposed to fight for us, if I didn’t think there was anything left to fight for?  YOU LET THIS HAPPEN.  YOU DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT.  You just went along with anything she wanted.  How spineless, and cowardly, of you to do that.

I don’t hold myself blameless in our marriage breaking up.  I’d be stupid to do that.  But the other problems lay with you, and your lack of willingness to talk about our problems.  You saw my depression as a sign of weakness; that suited HER just fine, because it fit her agenda of busting up our marriage.

So….she is a filthy hypocrite, besides being a liar, and a cheat, and a thief, and a slut.

And you are also a filthy hypocrite, besides being a cheat, and a liar, and breaking my heart.

You’re a jerk.  Logically, I know I’m better without you.  But also logically, I know that you were better WITH me.  A better person, a better father, in a better space psychologically and emotionally…you must’ve thought you would be OK with her.  Guess what?  Epic fail.

Lotsa luck – you’ll need it.

Your Loving First Wife

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on March 1, 2011.

4 Responses to “Dear Ex-Husband”

  1. Lol I love it! Just like a man to want what he had after it’s gone (women do it too)

    Just so sad for your kids. Hopefully he will end that marriage ‘the right way’ and move on and pastures will become greener. Good luck to you

    • That is just like a man, isn’t it? I tried, I really did, I did everything I thought I could do to “fix” it. He wasn’t interested in fixing anything except his future with this bimbo. I’m over it; he’s made his bed, now he can lie in it…..I’m done fighting for something that he abandoned without a second thought.

      • I forgot to mention that she has 3 previous failed marriages. All her, I might add…she cheated on every single one of them.

  2. OMG! This sounds like my ex and his new wife! We were married 23 years…2 kids and she was into the swingers lifestyle. They married a year ago this weekend. And my ex is her 3rd marriage. And just like your situation, her previous marriage was falling apart at the time so my ex became her next target. And I swear, it’s like an alien invaded his body. He is not the man I was married to all those years. He has nothing to do with his kids. Sadly, we came across some old pictures last night and my kids were looking at him and said how it was like that was of a life we read about but was not part of. It’s so true! I feel the same way. We’ve been apart for 4 years now and believe me, it gets so much better! You have to get it off your chest and let it go. That’s been the hardest part for me but with the passing of time, it’s getting a lot easier. Good luck to you! And what a great letter!

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