Dear Dad

I wish I could call you right now and tell you that I DONT NEED YOUR MONEY. I hate the fact that in order to secure my independence and freedom, I have to beg for your money and support. The concept of child support never meant anything to you when I left for university. It?s as if when I needed you the most, you weren?t there. I resent the fact that I have to cry myself to sleep at times worrying about money, when you spend it so carelessly. I resent that you could help me with school without almost any effort at all, but you don?t do it. I resent the fact that in order to pay my rent, I have to pretend to be ok with you and not show my anger. I never used to have to worry about this, but I know it was on my mother?s hands. For the past twenty years, she and I have shared the burden of your financial control.

I resent that I have the knowledge that I do about you, and yet I can’t do anything about it. I resent that I have to watch women’s lives fall apart and affect those around them because of how you treat them. I constantly have to be that withdrawn daughter who seems distant and mean because I do not want to involve myself. How else am I supposed to deal with the fact that I am building a relationship with these people and yet I do not tell them their lives are in danger? There is this confusion with you that most children in my situation report feeling. On one hand, when I was a kid you were a good dad and took me out places, bought me clothes when I needed them, etc. You always bought me cards on Valentine’s Day and got my great Christmas presents. Then on the other hand, I spent a lot of our time together with my grandparents, because you wanted to go party. I also resent everything you put me and my mother through during my childhood. You made her life a living hell, and for that I can never forgive you. I think of my beautiful, strong mother at my age being abused by you and having to deal with the burden of raising a child alone, and I hate you even more. I think someone who abuses women, hurts animals, and controls their children is just inhumane.  How can you consider yourself a person after the things you have done to your mother and the rest of the women in your life? I secretly wish for you to feel the same kind of pain you put so many people through. You should have to know the feeling of being betrayed, disrespected and hurt by someone you thought loved you.

For now I must keep quiet and keep the burden of my knowledge and feelings to myself. One day I will be heard and you will know how much I resent you for the things you?ve done. One day I will not need your support and I will be fully independent. I will never have to suffer the indignity of begging you for money ever again. One day you will wake up and realize your life was a lie and that you have hurt a lot of people. I will live my life helping people, and working towards a better future where people like you do not get away with violence.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on February 3, 2011.

3 Responses to “Dear Dad”

  1. This letter tells me more about you than it does about your father.

    “You should have to know the feeling of being betrayed, disrespected and hurt by someone you thought loved you.” Hmmmm, sounds like you are just the person to show him how it feels.

    You are old enough to be supporting yourself but he is still helping you, and this is how you truly feel about him? He may not have been a perfect father but you are using him for his money. Self absorbed and unkind if you ask me.

    A person with integrity would figure out a way to make it without his money and be upfront with him about their feelings, but to pretend everything is fine so that he will give it to you speaks loudly of YOUR character.

    • It seems that you are missing the parts of this letter where she talks about him being mean to her and her mother. and isn’t it unfair to judge her anger? it seems if she is angry she must have a good reason to be so.

  2. I agree with the 1st comment. She may have very good reasons to be angry but a nice person doesn’t pretend to be nice to get money from other people. And if as she says at the beginning of her letter, she doesn’t need his money than she shouldn’t accept his money. But the very next sentence says “I hate the fact that in order to secure my independence and freedom, I have to beg for your money and support.”
    He is probably a terrible person but I think his daughter might be more like him than she would like to think. She doesn’t conduct herself with integrity and it sounds like her father doesn’t either.

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