Dear Biological Mother

I have been in the middle of this drama, your drama, long before you knew about me.  I was the one who did all the legal “leg work” in this five year battle. While you had your father, your fiancee, your husband, your girl friend and anyone else you could con to get to pay your legal bills, I did the research and compiled the evidence that my husband had against you while he worked hard to pay for the legal fees in two states and I worked hard to lower that cost by working my butt off on getting everything together with just a hope of even meeting his daughter. The games you played with your daughter are disgusting.  Five years of not letting him see her. Five years of calling and hanging up. Five years of saying that we could see her whenever we waited but not even telling her father where she lived or went to school.  Five years of your daughter thinking he simply “moved on.”

By the time we got to trial, I had become privy to all the lies you told.  You said that my husband killed animals with his bare hands, kidnapped women and children, molested your daughter, raped you and the list goes on.  After thousands of dollars in forensic and psychological evaluations and FBI checks, he was cleared but you continued to spread lies about him.  The judge and the five lawyers that dropped your case did not believe your lies. Instead, everyone around realized the extent to which you would go to ensure he had no contact with his daughter. That is one of the reasons we have sole custody… the  other reasons are based on your own actions towards not only my husband and your own daughter.

After my husband was granted custody of your daughter, your insanity escalated. You are spreading even bigger lies about me and my husband and our children.  Your main problem is that the people you have said these things to have not only not believed you but have completely taken our side, include the official agencies you involved in our lives.  You tried to have ALL of our children taken away from us to prove a point.  The only point you proved is exactly how mentally ill you are.  The sad thing is I have tried to protect your daughter from your behavior but she sees how crazy you actually are.  I am the one to tell her that you are doing your “best.”  What I have failed to tell her is the extent you are going to in attempts to try ruining our lives but she sees it for herself no matter how I try and shield her.

I am the one to hold your daughter when she cries when the police comes because she knows it was you who called.  I am the one to tell her that we will be ok and that her baby sibling will not have to go to foster care because of you.  I am the one to tell her that she should not be afraid to tell you things because you will use them against us.  I am the one to make sure she knows that loving us and wanting to be here is not a bad thing.  I am the one to take her to her therapist and her pediatrician and the dentist to clear up all the dental neglect in her mouth.  I am the one to explain to her that its okay to not want to see you and for her to be angry with you.  But I am the one to explain to her that you do these things because you want her to go home.

And now, we are awaiting trial again to prove that you need mental help. Social Services, the Police, the School, your daughters therapists all agree that you need help.  We asked that you undergo a simple evaluation to help you better understand and deal with the situation and you refuse.  You say you can’t afford it yet hired two lawyers to fight it. Obviously that logic only makes sense to you. Instead of trying to help you, I’ll be the mother to your daughter that you never was.


And as a PS to my ex-husband.  You too have screwed yourself out of a chance to be a good father to our son by helping her.  Sad for you to realize that what you both did was unhealthy and against the law.  Had you known that she called the police on OUR son, I think your attitude towards her would be different.  If you ever take me to court again, I will ensure that everyone knows your part in this insanity and your adding fuel to the fire.  I hope the two of you will be happy as my husband and I have full custody of ALL the children.  Scheming and plotting should be beneath you.  Sorry for you.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 30, 2011.

One Response to “Dear Biological Mother”

  1. People who play games always lose in the end. Good for you for being a stand up step mom AND mom. That little girl needs you. Don’t ever forget that.

    From a MOM who can’t stand the step mom – I am capable of seeing both sides. I happen to be in a similar position but on the opposite side … Being the bio mom… I applaud you. Keep holding that little girl – protect her and never let her go.

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