Dear Mom of my Step-Kids

I do not understand why you think that your children should be glued to their cell phones waiting for your phone calls.  I do not understand why you think your kids cannot have a good time without you being here.  I do not understand why you think you can control a household 3,000 miles away.

I do not not know you, nor do you know me.  We have never met, but we might in the future, after all, there are two children in this world that we both love, and at some point it will be important that we are both there for them – graduation, marriage, birth, etc.  But I do wish that you would let your children be the great kids that they are, and let them have fun without you.  When you left, it sounds like you expected life to stop without you here every day.  And I am sure that it did for a while.  When someone is no longer there for you like they were before, it is hard.  You miss them, you grieve for them, you learn to live your new reality.

I wish that you could see your daughter be the wonderful 12 year old that she is, and not the pseudo-adult friend that you want her to be.  She has such a wonderful personality when she let’s her guard down and is just being herself.  I know that she loves you so much, and misses you.  Please let her be a kid – she is almost a teenager, why speed up the process any more than what kids already try to do?

And your son – what a great kid!  I wish you knew that.  I mean really knew it in your heart.  He is funny, smart, witty.  He cracks me up.  I know that at times he is difficult to get through to him, but you are so lucky – so many children with autism could not do what he does – show affection (in his own way), have a social life, perform with the band, even working up to perform solos, and the way he has adjusted to all of the changes in his life.  Surely you have noticed changes in conversations with him?  I know I have over the past 2 years.  And why do you not want your son to visit you?  I wish you could see his face when he realized that his sister gets to visit their mom for Christmas and not him.  He puts on a front about liking to have time away from his sister, but if you could see the two of them when she comes back – they do love each other and they don’t fight nearly as much as you tell them that they do.

Sincerely,
Another woman who loves your children too.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on December 13, 2010.

3 Responses to “Dear Mom of my Step-Kids”

  1. Being a stepmom to child with Autism must be a whole other world…. it sounds like he is thriving with all the love in his house though!
    I just wanted to say kudos to you. It sounds like you have some very lucky kids in your life. 🙂

  2. OMG the girl gets to go see her mom but the boy doesn’t? That absolutely breaks my heart for him. Thank goodness he has you in his life, Stepmom, who obviously loves and cares about him.

  3. Take the cell phones away. Too young for cell phones in my opinion. You seem to be such a loving stepmom to these kids. Good job loving another woman’s kids. They need you, more kudos to you for sticking by them.

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