To my Stepson’s Mother

Time and time again I have tried to simply deal with your ridiculousness. Nevermind that YOUR terrible actions and refusal to care about anyone but yourself has resulted in hurt for everyone involved…not just my husband and myself, but my stepson, your son, as well- but aside from that, your past bullshit could have literally been deadly for my husband. You’re toxic. In every life that you touch, not least of all being your son’s. He’s 6 years old and already sees that you don’t care about him. He’s 6 and already knows he wants to be nothing like you. And you’re jealous because he wants to be like his dad? Because he sees a female role model in me? If you were a decent mother….1. these things wouldn’t bother you. 2. you’d be a role model for him as well. You should be the most important woman in his life right now, and it’s no one’s fault but your own that you aren’t. You honestly disgust me. And you can try to blame me all you want for how things are but I think you’re so miserable with your life because you know the problems all stem from *you*. But your own personal issues really aren’t of a concern to me, if they didn’t hurt my stepson, I wouldn’t care at all how pathetic and self-destructive you are. Moreover, I wish you would see how much your constant attempts at alienation of his father and myself just hurt him…and make you look bad. He loves you a lot, just as he loves his dad a lot. But what you refuse to realize is that he loves me a lot, too. Though I would never want to replace you, I *do* have a place in his life. I help and teach him, make sure he has everything he needs and try to encourage him to do all the things he wants, I take care of him. None of these things are an effort to undermine you as a mother, but because I love my husband and I love him. Honestly, there are some things I do because you refuse to. Because you’re too invested in drinking and getting high every spare second you get. Because every damn thing in your life is more important than your son. But I want you to know, for what it’s worth, that even with you being determined to hate me- I’ve never, nor would I ever say a bad word about you to your son. I have never tried to harm your relationship with him. It makes my heart ache to see how much you constantly harm your relationship with him, it hurts to try and nurture a relationship between you and him when you really aren’t the best thing for him. I truly believe that if possible, all children need a good relationship with their mother- and while your son and I have an amazing relationship of our own that I wouldn’t trade for the world, I know that that won’t take the pain away as he continues to see more and more of how you truly are. As you continue to let him down, and choose everyone and everything else over him…the heartbreak I see in his eyes and hear in his voice when he says you “have more important things” to think about than him is something I can never make up for. But after all of the shit you’ve put him through in his young life? I don’t blame him for calling me mom (HIS choice by the way, I would never push that, and it honestly surprised me that he did) or for looking to me to give him the things that you won’t. The love and attention and guidance that he so desperately needs. I cannot see you essentially abandon him and refuse to offer those things, and then not try and offer them myself. I love your son, I want the best for him even when it’s not the best for me, and I want to see him grow up happy and healthy and achieving everything he hopes for. And more than that? I’m waiting for the day that you can say the same. He’s an amazing little boy, and while he may be the one hurting right now, I promise you’re the one missing out.

Still hoping,
-Your son’s stepmommy

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on December 1, 2010.

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