To My Ex (Daughter’s Father) and His Wife

I could go on and on about the things over the last 9 years of all the things that went wrong..but then I would literally be here for days. I just want to vent out my feelings about the last 6 months. In March we were still all getting along, again. We found ourselves back once again to this happy place! In April/May is when it all started to go wrong. As I go back on emails there were a few things that happened, with you, things concerning our kids, some about your wife.

But one thing that sticks out in my mind was the last weekend in April. I was a little irritated when you left our child with me on your anniversary weekend (your court ordered weekend,my weekend off) without asking me. You thought she was sick yet you never called to actually find out. Your wife texted me, not once did I verbally speak to you. I was even more irritated when your wife called me a brat when she had to come pick her up days after you were initially supposed to pick her up, even though she drives right past my house in the morning. I sorta knew she wasn’t very serious so I tried to let that slide. Then our child had a project due that no one knew about and you would not even talk to me about it.  Are we co-parents? I don’t believe so. You then went and talked about it with our daughter, without acknowledging me and punished her. All without including me, her mother (the one who CAME to you with this problem) or even communicating to me what was going to happen. You then wrote me some email  days later that was vague about how you talked to her and she was punished, with a punishment I believe to of been too harsh and affect others as well. I wish you would have talked to me about it, like I tried to talk to you about it. Then, you would not pay me the half of her field trip. Which you are court ordered to. You and I agreed to these things, you know you have to pay it, why should I have to even ask you more than once for the money? Then we went to court for child support, I agree to a lesser amount to help you! I came up with the amount to try to appease you. We had a verbal agreement on why I took the lesser amount and you went back on it! Not me! I was willing to work with you. I took $200 less per month. In exchange for not paying medical co pays which may equal to be like $20 a year! I was saving you from having to pay hundreds more per month! I just don’t get it.

Slowly things like this, little things and some big , kept happening. I have it all in email, or written down in journal, but would be here for hours listing the things. Ever since you sent me the bills for medical copays after our agreement, I just dont understand anything.  And have been angry and irritated with every thing involving you since. So now here we are in this same situation, as once before, and it sucks. I do not know what to do, I feel like I want to start to fix things with you and your family but then something else happens. And it sets me back. I have made attempts on mending things, only to get rejected. So as you have asked I have stopped trying. Don’t even ask me why I tried, or want to still try! when you do not want me to get along with you and your family. It is really sad and pathetic of me actually now that I am typing it out and thinking about it. Wow. Your right I am sad and pathetic…. isn’t that what you said loving step-mom?

Regardless, I just want to make it right for our daughter. Please think about this. Put aside your feelings for me, and also put aside your wifes feelings for me, it does not matter, all that matters is our child. Please communicate with me, please involve me. I will work on what you need from me as well to co parent successfully with me,  I am trying every day. I do not have the answers and I just want to work with each other instead of against each other. I know we can do it, we have before. I know you and I can do it, we need to work on co parenting before we can involve any other people. But I need to be treated like her mother. Like I matter. Even though I may not matter to you, I matter to her, and she matters to me. All I want is to be treated like a person. I do believe that the matters with yoru wife are an issue still, but that is for us to deal with when we can and are ready to. Or if that never happens, it never happens but we still have to work together.

So no matter what we need to get this figured out, the stuff between your wife and I will either get worked out or it wont, but like I said that does not matter. Please lets work this out. Lets try to come up with a plan. I am always here to talk and to work things out. We both have  moved on years ago, so this has never been about ‘us’. We can do this! Just put all the other stuff aside. Our daughter and her life is worth more than all that. She needs us. I am here for you, all of you. You know how to make this wrong, right.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Just the mother..

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~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on November 8, 2010.

2 Responses to “To My Ex (Daughter’s Father) and His Wife”

  1. Good luck to you!! have you tried talking to the step mom and bypassing him? Sometimes getting on her good side helps…

    • We have talked. She just listened she didnt say much I am sure she just wants to avoid me at all costs. no matter what. she is the least of my worries at this point, i just want to get along enough to be involved on my childs life on his weeks as well.

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