To my stepkids’ mom

I’ve written you some nasty-grams over the years that I’ve never sent, and some of them have even appeared on this site. I spend quite a bit of my time being frustrated and annoyed with your antics, and questioning some of your decisions as a mother. But I’ve decided it’s time to focus on the positive. Even with all the crappy things you’ve done in the past, and continue to do, I can find a lot of good in you and in our relationship.

I know I have thanked you before but it’s worth saying again that I really, really appreciate the way you supported my relationship with your kids when I first became their stepmom. You don’t know this, but once I overheard you on the phone talking to your daughter and you said to her: “You’re so lucky to have such a nice stepmom! I know how much you love her.” That was really kind of you, and your attitude towards me in this way definitely helped smooth the path for me to have successful relationships with your kids. I know that must have been very hard for you, and even though I often think you are terribly selfish, you handled my presence on the scene in a selfless and mature way. I have no doubt that your acceptance of me as your kids’ stepmom is a large part of why I have such positive relationships with them now.

Even though I know you have talked bad about me behind my back, I appreciate that you have always been very friendly and welcoming to me in person. We both know that you and I have one trait in common: loathing of confrontation. Maybe it’s just fear on both our parts of having any sort of face-to-face drama, but it’s really nice to know that when we have to spend time together there aren’t going to be any catfights going on, verbal or otherwise. I am glad that we can put aside whatever differences we may have for the sake of the children when we have to be in each other’s presence, and I appreciate your willingness to be friendly and inclusive to me.

The first time I met your new mother-in-law, she told me that you said some very nice things about me, how much you appreciate my help with the kids and how nice I am to you. This warmed my heart. Your own stepmom also told my mom that you are very thankful for the way I have helped your daughter with some of her troubles. I know you have said nasty things (including lies) about me, but it’s nice to know that you say positive things sometimes too. I appreciate hearing these things.

My husband was thrilled that you sent him the video of your son riding his bike for the first time. That was nice of you, and you didn’t have to do that, but we were very happy to see it. Thank you.

I know how much you love your kids. You and I both know that as much as I do love them, I will never be capable of loving them the way you do. I know it must tear you apart to send them to us half of the time. I appreciate that you handle this well, without a lot of angst and drama, and that you trust us to take good care of them.

I know you and I will never be friends, and that’s okay. But I do hope we can continue to be friendly.

Most sincerely,
Your kids’ stepmom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on August 20, 2010.

One Response to “To my stepkids’ mom”

  1. I think I am in love!

    You have such a wonderful concept, actually the reason I started my blog. Step on!


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