To my husband’s ex-wife
You no longer hold all of the cards and the sooner you realize this the happier we are all going to be. Just because you were married to my husband prior to me does not mean that you have some special place in his heart, his life or his family’s lives. You are the mother of his daughter, but that does not entitle you to control of our home or our finances. So for the love of God and the peaceful well being of your child stop!
Your behavior is ridiculous and juvenile. I can’t fathom how a 45 year old woman can act like this. Ironically you justify yourself by claiming to be acting in the best interest of your child. This seriously could not be further from the truth. Your daughter is a beautiful little girl who has the ability to become an amazing adult.
She is smart, healthy and unnervingly perceptive. I truly believe you love your daughter, but your behavior borders on abuse. You cannot tell your daughter that her father is a liar and a thief, rehashing your version of how he came into possession of your wedding and engagement rings. Even if your version were the truth (which it is not) why would you choose to have your daughter think of her father in that way? As a mother of two daughters (22 & 15) I can assure you that a father’s role in his daughter’s life is very important. I am very proud and thankful that my ex and I put our own disagreements aside and focus on our mutual concern for our children. We don’t always agree but respect one another and support each other as parents. I don’t feel the need to burden my children with past disagreements or recent issues. These things are not something they need to be aware of or involved in. Your wanting to move back to Connecticut is your own concern, stop telling your seven year old that you’re sad because you want to be with your mommy and that her daddy won’t let you go. Don’t lie to her and tell her that if you did move, she would still see her daddy all the time, because you know this isn’t the truth. With over 1500 miles between the states and with the assumption you would be working (ha!) this could not happen regularly and your finances, unless you have recently won the lottery, would not support that amount of travel. Do you know that IF you did move that all or most of the travel expense would be your responsibility? And while we’re on the inappropriate behavior, sweet JESUS woman stop dating every Tom, Dick and Harry and introducing them to your daughter! Oh and although she doesn’t get it yet, soon she’s going to know that your so called ‘sleep-over’s’ are a thinly veiled attempt to hide the fact that your screwing all of them. You are the parent with which she resides and as such you don’t have as much free time, but this doesn’t excuse you from bringing all of these men into her life. She’s growing up thinking promiscuity is perfectly normal.
You walked into your marriage with virtually nothing to your name except debt and bad credit, not that I’m criticizing you for those circumstances because I realize that these things could have been out of your control. But you left your three year marriage with no debt, $250K, and almost $900 a month in child support. As far as I can tell you contributed nothing to your marriage aside from the debt ($120K) you racked up on my now husband’s credit cards and you never worked from the time you got engaged. You took some of that money and bought a brand new home in a notoriously shady neighborhood, without any thought to the upcoming schools your daughter would be attending. You had to have a brand new home. My husband paid for a private school for the first two years in an effort to give her an opportunity to be a good learning environment.
You have none of the money left, nothing invested, and you owe much more than your home is worth or will probably ever be worth again. Your daughter is growing up in a neighborhood that has had two murders in the last year, what in GOD’s name were you thinking?
You are constantly berating my husband about what a poor father he is and how he needs to step up to the plate. But what are you bringing to it? My husband’s company is all but defunct, as the construction industry is in the toilet. The business does not pay nor can it pay for health insurance for its employees, but we recognize the need for her to have it so I put her on mine and now she also has dental insurance. He has continued to pay child support that he cannot afford and now that he has requested to have it reduced, you’re fighting it tooth and nail. He has paid for most if not all of her school clothing, supplies, and shoes. Up until last year he paid for after school care even though he didn’t have to. He drives 45 minutes up and back just to get her and then does the same thing on Monday morning to drop her off at school or your house. This to me doesn’t sound like a man who doesn’t care or isn’t stepping up to the plate. I have heard him get angry with you, heard you both exchange verbal insults, I don’t agree with this but I can see where his frustration with you overrides good sense.
I could go on and on about your passive aggressive behavior, your attempt to keep your daughter from our wedding, your success is delaying our honeymoon and costing us additional plane fare but I am weary from the memories of all of it. I just want it to stop. I want you to stop. I want to be able to love my husband, my children and your daughter. I want you to grow up and accept that he can’t give you the same amount of child support or pay for EVERYTHING she needs. You’re going to have to shoulder some of the cost as well. I want you to stop treating her as a friend and confidant, she’s not those things, she is your child and should have the luxury of being one. I want you to quit saying awful things about her daddy to her…she’s a little parrot at this age and repeats these things to teachers, family and friends. Most of all I don’t want her to be a mess from all of this.