Dear Ex-Husband

Ah where do I start?? I shouldn’t be having an affair with you I know that much. I love my husband and you caught me at a weak moment. A moment when I thought he and I were about to be over so I started looking for a way out. And maybe part of me did it to spite him. I felt that he was talking to this ex behind my back so I did what I did as a means to get even. Wrong? Definitely. Make me feel better? Ha oh yeah. And it was nice to finally have that closure with you. I know you feel the same way bc you cant stop talking about that weekend and how much you want to see me again but what I find is the funniest thing is that I always thought I wanted to hear those words from you.

I cant tell you the times I imagined you saying “I was wrong. You are perfect. Please come back and let me make it up to you and lets be a family.” And you said them and guess what? They fell short. The mystery was taken out of it and for once I could see why you pushed me away all those years ago. Its because you are not that great. You are not a god among men like you pretend to be. And you were scared to show it to me lest I see you for less than what you wanted me to and rid myself of you. I see it now.

I wish you would just be straight with me. Even now you still act so big and tough. Just lay it out. You love me. It warms my heart to feel you staring at me trying to memorize my features for when we are apart or linger on the phone with me waiting for me to say something first. I think it’s cute. Don’t lead out a display of your feelings for me with…“ well I hope you don’t think I’m a wimp for this but I am crazy about you.” It could be endearing but you make such a show of it that it takes away from it.

But (sigh)…I don’t hate you. I just see who you are now and frankly sweetie you just aren’t worth having anymore. There was a time when you were quite the catch with your good looks, house on the lake, new truck and high end job but that’s just not who you are anymore. Its funny how things change isn’t it. There was a time you thought you were too good for me but now look at us. You are on the way down while I am becoming a woman of means and now you aren’t good enough for me. I’m not spiteful about it, its just arbitrary is all.

Like I said it was nice to have that closure with you and it finally brought us to a level where you and I are no longer just two people raising a kid, but friends who wish the best for each other and have our son’s best interest in mind. That is the way it should be. That’s how I will try to keep it.

I know it bothers you to hear me talk about my husband but here is where I am. Yeah our marriage has issues. Maybe even major ones but I am not ready to give up on him yet and I don’t feel like you and I should meet or talk like that anymore. I know we made plans to go away next weekend but I agreed only to be nice and hoped you would drop it. I just don’t want to go. I love you but I don’t want to be with you like that. What I want is for you to find a good woman who will be good to our son and good for you.

I have much love for you and wish you all the best. I am glad we are friends now. I am glad the curtain is lifted and I can see I am not missing out on nearly as much as I had thought. I know you would like for me to move down there but I don’t think I can stand to be around you that long. Wow….never thought I would say that! But alas, it is the truth and I could hug you , tell you I love you and I could mean it but sweetie I just cant be with you like that. I’m just not attracted to you anymore. So good luck. I hope we can be dear friends as I do value our relationship and do want to be here for you but this is me letting you go. I’m sorry and I’ve told you that. I’m not trying to hurt you. I know you will be angry with me but this is the way it has to be. Kisses…

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~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on August 10, 2010.

One Response to “Dear Ex-Husband”

  1. I feel sorry for your current husband.

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