Dear Biomom,

I don’t want to be your friend.

I appreciate that you are working on yourself and trying to be nice. It took you three and a half years to get to this point and I can see that and acknowledge it. It’s a big step for you, and I’m sure it was hard. Thank you for beginning to change . . . if it is real.

But, even so, I do not want you in my life. I’m sorry. This is my choice.

The fact is, even when you are being nice, I don’t trust you. You have betrayed my trust, my partner’s, and my stepson’s too many times for me to ever put faith in you again. Being around you is stressful to me because of this, and because you still, after four years, act as though my partner is your husband. He is not. He is the father of your child and your interactions should stop there. Please, find your own relationship and move on.

I have always and always will support your son’s relationship with you. I make a point of not stepping on your toes and I try to deal with the flexibility of schedule that co-parenting requires. But I can do all of that without being the one to communicate with you. I can do all of that without seeing you on a regular basis, and that is what I would like at this point. I will see you at school functions and birthday parties, but do not expect me to agree to play-dates any time soon. And I will never be able to share holiday activities with you again because of the way you acted at past events.

I know that I seem like a kind and caring person who is willing to bend and make a lot of sacrifices. You have said as much to me because you have seen me sacrifice for my partner and your son. You have even seen me sacrifice for and forgive you. But I am not a pushover. I will not bend for someone who chooses to break me, which is what you have always done int he past. You never saw the off-stage explosions and private tears that your maltreatment of me and my family caused. Perhaps it is weakness and not strength that leads me to this. Perhaps it is simply because I cannot risk the pain of it all again. But you have lost your chance at having any sort of relationship with me. A sudden metamorphosis into a nice person will not earn you one last chance without a lot time passing to prove sincerity of the change.

If you can prove these attempts are grounded in something other than selfishness- if time passes and your kindness lasts, which it has yet to do- then it is possible that I will reconsider these boundaries. Until then, I’m sorry, I do not want you as a friend. Please respect my wishes in this matter as I respect yours with your son.


The Stepmom.

~ by Jacquelyn Fletcher on June 9, 2010.

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