Dear Ex-Wife

After spending 9 years making a career out of being a student (only to achieve an AA), living off my husband’s child support and every form of government aid, I am actually relieved you went off and married some 83 year old man. This is the most calm and level headed I have ever seen you. I no longer get all shaky and feel like I am going to vomit when I hear your name.

When I first met my husband, I used to dread our weekends. All hell would break lose when the boys were to come over. Our house was some alien planet to them. We had structure, rules and expectations that they didn’t want to follow. The kids were dressed in faded clothes that were ratty and tore up. You allowed them to watch R rated movies, listen to slipknot, metallica and other death metal. They could play video games when they wanted and for however long they wanted to and you didn’t care what the video games were rated. No set meal times, they could eat what they wanted, when they wanted as long as they didn’t bother you.

Even though it’s a very big adjustment, I am so glad the boys are finally with us and only see you every other weekend. I might add that it’s difficult to get the older one to go to your house on your weekend. I think it’s not doing any good to force him to see you anymore. Since living with us, he has lost about 40lbs. Has manners, bathes everyday. His life doesn’t revolve around comic book characters, video games and food. He does homework now and helps around the house.

The younger boy had severe anger issues when he started living with us and we were about to have him held back this last year in school because he was so defiant and lazy. The school even tested him for special education. There are still quite a few things we are working on with him, but there is definate progress and he has a lot of promise.
They both are thriving well living with us. They eat healthy, well balanced meals. They are involved with church, have friends,They are great big brothers, they enjoy spending more time with their dad. They are a joy to be around.

I am so glad the children are no longer your meal ticket. I am glad I finally got my husband to see that and push to get them living with us. You didn’t have the greatest moms or dads growing up, so I guess I can’t blame you for being a lousy parent.

And, oh how it infuriated me when you were with your last fiance…you know, the unemployeed, ex felon who got you into growing pot in the garage, who insisted we had the boys for exactly 48hrs and not a minute less. The man who talked you into quitting school when you only had one last term before getting your masters degree…..yes, quit school to start a traveling french fry booth with him because the world is ending in 2012. The influence he had over the boys was disturbing. I am glad he couldn’t take how inbalanced your moods were and left you.

Even though in the past years we have only had the boys every other weekend, in your divorce agreement we weren’t ever allowed to have a cat due to the oldest boys asthma….but you now have 2 cats. There are so many things that we weren’t allowed to do, or weren’t doing right, but are acceptable when the tables are turned?

Like what? All those times you would give my husband a hard time to be more involved with their school….sorry he was working 60 hrs a week. If he took time off work to be more involved, would have that decreased the amount of child support he had to pay you or affect our family? Now that the boys are with us, have you been involved at all with their school? NO!

Maybe we should drop them off for your weekend and take off across the state, have you keep them an extra day or two and not call you or answer our cell phones.

We have had the oldest boy for 2 years now, and the younger boy for 9 months now. Thank you for buying them a pair of shoes. Thank you for taking the youngest to the dentist once. Oh, and thank you for recognizing that the boys needed to experience a white castle burger and pulling them out of school for a week so you and your OLD man could fly with them 3,000 miles away to New York so they could eat there. That put them so far behind in school, and that money you spent on that little trip for them could have really came in handy to buy some new clothes, pay for that root canal the youngest needed, or put some more food on the table.

I wish you would get a job and pay us child support. It’s a struggle to make ends to meet most of the time. Unlike when you had the kids, we don’t get things handed to us or qualify for government aid to pay for our housing, food and utilities. You would expect child support if you had the boys, but somehow the rules change when we have the boys? You shouldn’t have to pay child support because you don’t have a job and spend your days lounging on the couch with your 83 year old sugar daddy.

I am glad to have the chance to vent after all these crazy years.

-Step mom.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on May 20, 2010.

2 Responses to “Dear Ex-Wife”

  1. I sent this link to my best friend! My goodness it sounds like her situation! Bless you and I wish you all the best!!

  2. how did you get custody of the kids after just having the weekends? We are trying but it is so hard. The court seems to always take the mother’s side.

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