To My Stepdaughter,

There are days I miss the sweet tween I became involved with almost three years ago. Do you remember the bike rides and hanging out? Do you remember picking out pets together and picking out toys? Do you remember me painting your room the colors you wanted or the hard work I did helping your dad put in your flooring. Do you remember that your bedroom was the first room we finished so that you could have a safe space? Do you remember when your dad would get so mad he scared you and I was there to make it better? Do you remember any of the good times? I do and I miss you.

I’ve tried to share my life with you. I introduced you to my own father to let you see a positive father-daughter relationship. You know how much my own dad means to me and I want you to have a great relationship with your own dad. That doesn’t mean you get to treat him like an ATM. That doesn’t mean you get to treat him like he doesn’t matter. That means you have a responsibility to treat him with love and respect. That means when he asks something you need to respond. I’ve shared my relationship with my own mother with you to show you how much I respect the mother-daughter relationship. I’ve put aside my own feelings towards your mom because I know that relationship is really important.

There are so many things that are going on in your life. You are getting ready to leave middle school and start high school. What a scary time in your life. You have your mom in one corner telling you that dad doesn’t care and I don’t matter. I don’t know what else we can do to show you how much we do care. I’ve taken a step back because I have seen how much pain and stress my being involved causes you. I know you love your mom, but you can like me too. I didn’t cause the divorce that was something between your mom and dad. I didn’t split up the family; the family was already split before I came along. I didn’t stop your parents from getting back together, that was because of their past and has nothing to do with me.

The things you don’t get to see is what I do to help your dad and mom have a better relationship. I’m the one helping with communication. I’m the one taking the punches between the both of them so the anger and resentment is taken away before they communicate with you or each other. I’m the one contacting the school so your dad can stay involved. I’m the one looking up your medications to make sure you are taking them correctly. I’m the one that checks FB and MySpace so that when you call out for your dad he is there for you. I’m the one other parents call when you are having problems with your friends. I’m the one taking the time to learn about stepfamilies and what I can do to make things easier for you, your dad, and your mom. I’m the one that supports your dad so he can be the best father he can be. I do all this for you because I do love you. I do this for you because I know you are hurting and don’t understand everything. I do this so that you can grow up to be the best person you can be. You don’t see this because of the pain it causes you and your mom to know that I care and that I am involved.

It hurts so much when you shut me out. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but it hurts knowing that your loyalty binds has caused you to pull away from me and your dad. I miss talking to you. I miss the fun we had. I miss the friendship we started. I hate the hostility I see rolling off of you. I hate the look on your face when you look at me. It hurts me to know you can’t stand to be in the same room as I am in without your dad or calling your mom. It hurts to see you come back from your mom’s house an angry teenager. Angry at your dad for some hurt after having a great weekend. After you had some much fun with your dad just a few days before you storm into the house, slam your door, and won’t come out until it’s time to take you home. Why? I know you’re confused and so am I. I wish we could talk about it.

So I will continue to help from the sidelines. I will continue to put my marriage to your dad first. I will continue to help in any way I can. I will continue to love you. I can only hope that one day you look back on our life and see the positives.

Lots of love and hope,

Your Evil Wicked Stepmom

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~ by Jacquelyn Fletcher on May 7, 2010.

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