Dear Stepdaughter

You will never ever know how bad you have hurt me. I will never let it show to you or anyone else. You like to say that your daddy and I know longer love you because of the fact that you are a teenage mother. We BOTH love you and those babies very much. We pray for their happiness and safety as well as yours. We do not however like the fact that the father of those babies abuses you and your mother lets these acts go on under her roof . We  also have an issue with the fact that , YOUR BABIES’ DADDY, as you call him does very little to help support them. He and your mother  both told you that you had to drop out of high school. Then you lied to your dad and I about it. No, we DID NOT call cops on you, your grandmother did, then turned around and blamed your father. Your father told her to keep her nose out of it and let him handle it but she didn’t then she lied to you.
Daughter Dear, You love to say how your daddy left you . He never left YOU,  HE LEFT YOU MOTHER ,big difference. HE WAS THERE FOR YOU AS MUCH AS YOUR MOTHER LET HIM BE.  Your mother kept him at arms length from you alot when your were little, then told you that he never had time for you, NOT TRUE! He only tried to do things how your mother ask him to and be ” fair.”
Your mother’s favorite tale to you is I stole you Daddy away from ” HIS FAMILY.” Your mom and dad were divorced 5 years before I came along and you mom was on husband #3 so  you see I didn’t  steal him away from anyone and despite what your mother tells you he is not coming back to her and the “grandbabies ” you gave him will not make him come home.
You call your dad and I names, cuss and scream at us, threaten our lives, and the lives of others then you expect everyone to take you back with open arms. It doesn’t work that way to GET RESPECT YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT. The way people in the family treat you has nothing to do with the fact that you are a TEENAGE MOTHER. It has everything to do with the fact that PEOPLE ARE  SICK TO DEATH OF YOUR BEHAVIOR WITH THEM. YOU and YOUR  mother say you are GROWN UP since you had those babies. BABIES DON’T MAKE YOU GROWN BEHAVIOR DOES.

My hope for you as I’ve watch you grow from an 8 year old little girl to a 19 year old child is that you would somehow be able to break the cycle of hate your mother created. But it’s very sad to say I don’t see that happening any time soon. To be honest I see a clone of your mother. You do say and act and treat people the way SHE tells you too .YOU are now filled with so much HATE, I am not sure there is room for  LOVE anymore .

You say you hate me. Fine. Deep down I don’t think you do, but remember this even though I may be just your step-mom and not your “blood” like your mother likes to say, I DO NOW AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU!  You may not have grown under my heart,  but you did grow into it all those years ago.


~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on April 16, 2010.

One Response to “Dear Stepdaughter”

  1. I am a step-daughter. Perhaps some of my comments are biased, considering that I am closer to my mother. I do not know whether this letter just expresses your frustrations or whether you actually sent this to your step-daughter. For her sake, I hope you didn’t, however, that is out of my control. If you will, I have a few tips for dealing with your situation. First off, never insult your step-daughter’s mother. If she is anything similar to me, expressing these hateful words about her mother will just make her turn away from you even more. Likewise, even if she is able to relate these comments about her mother, being told that she is like her mother will do nothing more than piss her off and upset her. Divorced parents often do not realize that their kids just want to escape the tears, turmoil, and fighting. All we want is to be able to grow up and be our own person. We always need some direction, but after a certain age we have a sense of who we want to be. There’s no sense in fighting over which side of the family your step-daughter should cling to. She is 19, and obviously has been able to make decisions for herself, consisting of right and wrong. We learn and grow from my mistakes. You bring up that she is not mature just because she has had to take care of her own children. That is understandable, at the same time, who are you to judge. I can not accurately describe your past,being a complete stranger, but from of the sounds of it you were never in a situation similar to hers. Being associated with her seems like its such a burden to you, but then you reprimand her for not wanting to spend time with you. She is struggling with an extremely difficult situation; she needs help, not critical remarks. Take your own advice: to receive respect you must give it. It is hard; there is no doubt about that. Stop being childish and playing games. Be nice and let her know you’re their to help, and trust me, she will eventually come to you. You can’t expect her to start this; she is a teenager after all. Moral of the story: treat her kindly, let her know you’re their for her, ry to understand, and I promise your overall situation will improve. If not, well then you missed out on a great relationship you could have had, with both your daughter and your grandchildren.

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