Dear Dad

I love you.  I really do.  My memories are full of a happy childhood…even a happy adolescence after you and mom divorced.  We were so close and I felt like I could tell you anything.  I was excited when you started dating because I never wanted you to grow old alone.  I looked up to you and compared every boy and man I met to you.  When we met your girlfriend and her family I was nervous and excited!  Step siblings…around the same age as my sisters and me.  One had just had a little boy and I was pregnant.  I shared with you everything about my pregnancy…I was so excited!  Your first grandchild!  I was a little disappointed when you would follow up after everything I said with “oh yea, I remember when your step sister felt that…craved that.”  But, I swallowed my feelings and just realized that I was now sharing you… surely there would be other firsts with your grandson.  There weren’t.  My son could never live up to her son.  Ever.  Later I realized that I never could either.

You’re married now and moved away.  I try to get out and visit you but this ends up being once a year at the most.  When I do see you it’s because you’re already in town visiting the family you prefer to spend time with.  I want to blame your wife and her kids…but they don’t owe me anything and are not to blame.  YOU are my father. Your blood runs through my veins and those of my children.  You should be proud of them and be the greatest grandpa in the world to them.  You aren’t though and it is so hard for me to handle.  What happened?  Did I do something to make you love me less?  I want so badly for my kids to have sweet memories of you like I do but every time you do something with them it is only because you have already planned to do it with your preferred grandkids.  I try to keep my opinions to myself and not let on to my kids how I feel. I think it is important for them to form their own opinions.  But I can see it in their eyes and behavior.  They know they are treated different. They fight for your attention.  It tears me apart and I want to just shield them from you…protect them from you.  Normally I would go to you for advice but I can’t.  I haven’t been able to for years now.  I need so bad to talk to my daddy and tell him my worries and solve them with him.  But how can I do that?

Just as I started this letter, I will finish it.  I love you dad, I truly do.  I love who you were to me and who you are to your step kids and step grandkids.

I just wish you were all of that and more for mine.


Your daughter

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on March 5, 2010.

2 Responses to “Dear Dad”

  1. I am so sorry that your dad has chosen to act this way towards you and your children. I have been through the same with my mother and know how much it hurts.

  2. Thanks Robyn. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

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