Dear Ex-Wife

Really, really ex-wife. You were married for three years, 12 years ago. Get over it. I have finally come to understand that you have a personality disorder, so you cannot recognize the needs of your child. But I just want you to know how awful it is for all of us to watch what your behaviour does to your son. Awful for us, but how much worse for him. He is tormented. I’m sure like everyone else, underneath you are a good person, blah, blah, blah, but just know that your time on earth as mother to that boy and ex-wife to my husband, have been pretty much a failure. You are one screwed up mamma.

You won’t change your behaviour willingly. Your self entitlement is entrenched. The legal system, your lawyer, and your rich Daddy’s money back you up for now, but that doesn’t last much longer for you. What will you do when your son turns 14 this summer and “votes with his feet” and comes to live with his Dad and I at least half the time?  My God, you might have to just live your life and let go of your failed marriage.

One thing that would help you try to convince people that you’re not just using your son to punish my husband for leaving you (because of your abusive and insane behaviour) is if you actually stopped using your married last name and putting “Mrs.” in front of it. It doesn’t speak of moving on. A bit weird since you’ve been with your new partner for ten years now.

What must he think and feel? Oh, that’s right, he’s a doormat. I forgot. Plus, our income heavily subsidizes his inability to sustain full-time work. Best if he doesn’t complain too much. He’s got an easy ride. Except with you. I’m sure he’s afraid of you too. More afraid of you than your son, who has been practicing standing up to you. It’s only a matter of time before, the universe shifts and ‘poof’ your little drama is over.

Maybe then you can get some help and live the life you’ve got and stop living in the past. I’d tell you to get a life, but you’ve already got one. You have a daughter you know, with your new partner. They might need you. You just can’t see it, because you’re so sick. Your son may learn to respect you again one day. I’d like him to one day be able to forgive you keeping him from his adored Dad for almost his entire childhood. But that will be up to him.

All this is about is your son wanting to spend more time with his Dad. That’s all it’s ever been about for your child and for your ex-husband. They just want to be together. More. I’ve watched them dutifully follow your ridiculous schedule for ten of the past 12 years. I witness the hurt that has caused both of them. But, despite you and your lawyer and your Dad’s money, they have maintained a true and strong father son bond. Nobody has ever said it was about having less time with his mom, he has just always wanted more time with his Dad. And can you blame him?

That must drive you the craziest. That there’s nothing you can do about that. Got to give you credit you have tried on the parental alienation front. Ypu have had some success there, but then I imagine you slipping up and letting your obsession and strange awe that you have for my husband come through. He is great isn’t he? Too bad you messed that one up, eh?

But for you it’s all about the control and money. Got to control the time they have together to punish and to keep the money flowing in at the highest possible rate, so you and Doormat can keep your half-time jobs. Well, enjoy it while you can little Miss Sunshine, cause the ride’s almost over.

Signed,

your son’s kick-ass step-mom and wife of your very ex-husband.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on March 4, 2010.

One Response to “Dear Ex-Wife”

  1. I love your post. I wish more people would stand up to these crazy-ass ex-wives who just can’t put their own selfish needs second to the needs of their children. As much as I hear “fathers have rights too” I rarely see the courts enforcing it unless pushed to do so. One day we should all start a second-wives club and get each other the support we all need.

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