Dear Husband

Today is day 57 of our short marriage and day 4 since we last spoke. I have to say that I’m happy I got to tell you how I really felt.  I’m glad I let you know that no, I’m not Ok with you paying additional life insurance for your ex-wife and mother.  I’m sad that we haven’t spoken to each other, but this time I swear I won’t be reaching out.

Your ex-wife has made a conscious decision NOT to work (her whole life).  Your son tells you how all she does is sit by the computer all day long and does NOTHING except for join social networks. For 24 years she complained about you and your parenting skills. She called the cops and told them you were an abusive alcoholic. She ripped your shirt out, put Drano in your shampoo and continually lied to your friends about your real intentions with regards to her and alimony. She dragged you into court even after you begged her for an amicable solution. You’re in heavy credit card debt because of her. She broke into your home and stole all that stuff. You even gave her back her mother’s dishes when she wasn’t there and she still complains about not finding them. She forged your signature and got away with $4,000, drained your bank accounts, broke your windshield, scratched the car and threw all your clothes (to include the IPod) in the pool. After all of this, you would rather take care of her over me? You tell me that I’m young and able to work. All of this is true. But is she not capable of working now?

Is your mother not only receiving her retirement check but your father’s as well? Does she not bail out your sister, brother and nephew every time? When was the last time she helped you out with money? Your comment about how you’ve known your mother your whole life but only been married two weeks to me was outrageous. Although true, do you really think I needed to hear that?  Did I need to be reminded of that?

You know I didn’t marry you to see what I could gain after your death. After all, only God knows who will go first. It might be me for all we know. You say I stand to gain all of this money and all of these material things. Do you really think it would be fair for me to keep things that you bought while you were married to her? Do you think it would be fair to your children that I keep those things instead of them? Of course not. It’s only fair that they get them and do with them as they please. I’m not that kind of person.

I do believe that your ex-wife needs life insurance money, but you’re already paying 4-5 policies for her (the ones that were court ordered and the ones that she’s paying with alimony money). And not only do I only have one policy in my name, I also get to pay all your outstanding bills with that money. Does that make sense to you? And does your mother really need 2 policies in her name? I beg to differ. I wouldn’t mind if I got no insurance money at all, so long as she only got what was court-ordered.  And really, do we need to pay for her dental insurance while I don’t have one? I’m starting to feel like we made a mistake by getting married since you are forever bound to this woman, more often than not by choice.


PS: Do we also need to support your immature son who had not enough with one baby (at 18) but had to bring another one almost a year later (with his 17 yr old gf)? I’m sure if she stopped worrying about make up and high heels she too could work for a living.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on March 1, 2010.

11 Responses to “Dear Husband”

  1. I’m sorry, but this letter makes you sound like a greedy woman who is waiting on her husband to croak. If I were you, I’d pick my battles and focus more on the 17 year old son who is breeding like a rabbit.

    • Dear Sharon,
      No, I am not greedy. I’m hurt. I’m hurt that my husband would continually chose to take care of his ex-wife because she decides she WON’T work (but yet has time to travel all over Europe and South America) and I have to work to pay credit card bills and worry about retirement.

  2. I don’t agree with that last comment one bit. I think it’s ridiculous and I’d be angry too and I would walk out too. Get it out sister! I’m with you!!

  3. Girl, I think you are putting up with way too much. You deserve someone who is devoted to you not his ex-wife. I’m sorry, but I would leave that mess behind me and make a new life. Good luck!

    I also do not agree with Sharon. I wouldn’t put up with that crap either!

  4. Sharon are you serious? Did you actually READ all the stuff this man is providing to his non-working EX-wife? ’cause she’s the one who sounds greedy to me. The letter-writer is paying his outstanding bills, and gets treated like this by him, then called greedy for posting her thoughts? Wow.

    This letter may be mostly about life insurance/inheritances/etc (which may be what led Sharon to her conclusion) but I’d be willing to bet what’s written here is just the tip of the iceberg. Or, as Carolyn Hax says, the tip of the nutberg.

    Letter-writer, good luck!

  5. Wow! I’m wondering how long you knew him before marriage. If you’re just finding out about all of this that’s awful. If you married him thinking your marriage would change these things, big mistake I’m afraid. He can be committed to you or her, not both. If he chooses her, chalk it up to a bad decision on your part and run! So many women marry men in situations they simply can’t accept and then expect it to suddenly change once she is the “wife”. It won’t change.

  6. Wow yet another comment by a person who clearly does not understand the concept of this website. This is a place for a person to vent THEIR feelings. It is not the place for people to bash other people for their feelings. Being in a stepfamily is SO difficult and when you are constantly being bashed by ex wives, step-children this should be a place to vent your feelings without judgement. If you don’t have anything nice or encouraging to say then just keep it to yourself people.

  7. I agree with you. People are being kind of mean to this woman. She really doesn’t need someone telling her this is her fault, particularly when someone’s being awful to her. Seriously. She’s already going through enough. Be nice.

  8. m–clap clap clap! Yes, I totally agree with you and with 3/4 7:20 anonymous.

  9. ditto ditto ditto. get out woman, you sound like you are still young to find the right one. these people are financial vampires. get away from them.

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