Dear Someday-To-Be Ex-Wife

I saw you at the grocery store with my stepdaughter yesterday and I had an immediate physical reaction to throw up. There I am with her stepsister and her half sister and the girls want to talk and there you are, ushering her past us even though she hasn’t seen us for days and the thing that makes me the most sick is that SHE OBEYS YOU. At eight years old she knows what my five-year-old daughter can’t understand – what the consequences to disobeying are. I don’t know what they are, but she does. Whatever might take place if she says hello to the baby she loves so much is just not worth stopping that shopping cart.

It makes me angry that just being in the same room with you is such a stress that I practically shake. I am not equipped to deal with you and your thoughtless, poisonous lies, lack of moral fiber, bad temper. What kind of woman stands in my yard and hurls horrible accusations at her former husband while all of our children look on? How can anyone who snuck around with another man for two years and moved her daughters from a house with Daddy to a house with the other man overnight hold her head up in public, let alone be filled with of self-righteousness? Whatever my man’s faults are, I know that he is nothing like the cowardly, cheating man that you left him for. You may have regrets, I don’t know. Maybe it WAS awful in your marriage and you (obviously) hate him still. Whatever your beef was, it’s been 3 years, you left him, be HAPPY.

Every opinion that I have of you, you gave me yourself. Your husband (are you afraid of the divorce? are you too cheap?do you know you can’t get any money out of the situation so you don’t bother?) said little about you when we met. I knew that something odd had taken place because he was surprised and pleased by my good nature. I knew that there were signs…and I knew it was probably a bad idea to go ahead with this relationship before you two divorced. But we didn’t want to put off our happiness…I’m glad, but I’m also glad that I didn’t know how awful it was, is. You have shown me yourself, with your own behavior. I think that you use your daughter to hurt my man. I think that you are a lazy mother, an ignorant mother. An ignorant person. Now at least my man can speak openly about it.

I wish that I could be less affected by you, but you permeate our household like a vile odor. When your daughter arrives she brings strange and sick idease, which my children (and when older, the baby will) puzzle over. Sometimes it’s appalling (Mommy cries when I’m not with her and is happier when I’m at her house). Sometimes it’s almost funny – like the time your daughter declared to me that “fake flowers are better because they last longer”. But then, you are also fake nails, fake tan, bleached teeth while your daughter wears second hand clothes, loose uncombed hair and long, dirty nails. The truth is, you are so trashy and cheap it would be funny if it didn’t enter my house.

You had my man over a barrel when you took his daughter, joy of his heart. He was so afraid to divorce you, so afraid to lose the custody battle. But now you have let him have her every other week for so long that when the divorce goes through it will be status quo. Good for him, good for her, but what about the rest of our children? How will it be to have your poison brought in by her innocent person every week for the next however many years? I shudder to think at the damage you are doing to your little girl, what she may inflict on our household. I shudder to think at how I will have to firmly combat this crap for years on end.

The real horror of it is that I can see myself in you – you bring out every aspect of myself that I dislike and magnify it. You are everything that I am afraid if being, becoming. I have thanked you many times in my mind for giving this man up. Perhaps one day I’ll thank you for everything else. Not today, though.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 25, 2010.

One Response to “Dear Someday-To-Be Ex-Wife”

  1. Oh I can so relate. It’s exactly that, a poison that enters a house. I too have to deal with an ex that poisons my house and fills my stepson’s mind with nonsense. I can only empathize, so much with you! We will have to endure this for years and years, even after the children have grown because we will most probably share their adult lives as well!

    I simply keep on reminding myself that I’m doing and going through all this for a wonderful man that she threw away! Her loss, my gain!

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