Dear Stepdaughter

I just want to let you know how disappointed I am in you.

I have been apart of your life now for five years. The first three were amazing. You and I used to have so much fun running around the house singing, going shopping and just hanging out together. You used to be so much fun to be around always cracking me and your dad up. You’re not even a shadow of that person now.

I don’t know why you have decided to hate me in the last two years. I have treated you as I would treat my own daughter. I have been a mother for you while your own mother is non-existent in a drunken stupor. I have thrown birthday parties for you. Stayed up twice until the early morning hours picking lice out of your hair when you got it at school. I have driven you and your friends all over town. I have taken off from work to take you to the doctors. I have made you special meals because you don’t like meat. I’ve helped you reorganize your room and decorate. I sat in your room and just hung out with you after you had a boyfriend break up with you. I’ve (and your dad) bailed you out of jail. I’ve picked you up from parties you shouldn’t have been at. I’ve sheltered you away from your mom when she’s drunk and cussing you out, so you didn’t have to be subject to her. I’ve driven 1 hour there to pick you up after your mom got drunk and started hitting you. Then she stood out in the middle of the street telling me to “run” her over and how much of a worthless daughter you are and all the other things you should NEVER say to a child let alone your daughter, and I drove another hour back to OUR house in the middle of the night. Yet your mother was the one who didn’t want you, who abused you and abuses you, and you want to live there. You want to be with her. You act like her. You lie like her. You are selfish and immature like her. She won’t tell you “no”. She won’t look out for you. She doesn’t care if an education is important or not. Waiting tables at a truck stop and always expecting something from everyone without giving anything is a FINE way to live.

Still, with everything I have done for you and have taught you, I am the reason for all of your mistakes. I am the reason you are now failing school and realistically won’t graduate.. I am the reason you got a minor in possession. I am the reason that you can’t live at the stable environment that your dad and I have created for you. I am your scapegoat. Me. The person who has done so much for you. I have forgiven you too many times without an apology. Too many times have you said and done things to me that have hurt me too much. I can’t bear to see how much hate you have towards me any longer but I will. I will because I love you stepdaughter, despite how you make your dad (my husband) feel, despite how you have totally disrespected me and hate me, despite how much you have let your entire family down, I love you.

It’s not easy anymore for me to like you, it’s not easy at all actually. I don’t approve of your decisions that your making but “you’re 17, you can do what you want”. I will however love you, and if you ever need help I will be here. I am not going to bend over backwards and break my own heart anymore though. I refuse, I simply can not do it.

I hope and pray in the future you realize everything your family has done for you, everything your dad has given up for you, and how much you have deeply hurt me. I don’t know if that day will ever come. You are going to have to learn about life the hard way, and hopefully you won’t make some very bad decisions first, ones that you’ll have to deal with the rest of your life.

I know you are capable of doing whatever your heart wants. Your capable of being the smart, sweet, funny, loving girl that I once knew. I guess that’s why you’ve hurt me so much, because I know you’re better than what you’ve become.

I will always be here, and love you.

The “Evil Step-monster”

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 6, 2010.

4 Responses to “Dear Stepdaughter”

  1. I am so sorry for your pain, my biological daughter is doing this to my husband because of her home life with her father and her former stepmother. I do feel your pain, I pray that yours (and ours) will grow out of it and one day see their mistakes..

  2. I too have a 16yr old step daughter that is awful to me. She lies to her dad about wht I say, and he believes her. She always plays the victom– and makes me look like the villan. I have a few rules, respect, leave my stuff alone, and pick up after yourself. So what is a step mother with an absent mother suppose to do? any advice-

  3. I too am in kind of the same situation. I am still hoping that someday she will realize all the pain she has caused.

  4. I am so so sorry that this is going on! I feel your pain as I read your letter. My heart goes out to you! I hope things between you and your sd will get better! Know that the hard times will make you a stronger person! I wish you all the best of luck! ((hugs))

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