Dear Mother of my Step-children

I wish you could see what you are missing. We hear about such drama that goes on in your house: fights, dangerous situations, tension. The kids are so happy and carefree here. I love them with all of my heart. They have re-shaped me into the person I want to be.

This morning I woke up the three year old and we sat together in my big orange chair while the girls got dressed and we snuggled and I sang to him and he called me “Mama” on accident. I calmly said my name and he said “ok.”

I did this because of you. If I was their mother, it would hurt me for them to call anyone else “Mom.” I understand this. But you must know that I want nothing more than to be called “Mom.” To be their Mom.

You try to be in their lives, try to do good things for them, but you always put yourself first, don’t you. No matter if they are sick, you don’t contact us and are out of contact when we need to contact you. The three year old has a cold now and I’m the one wiping his nose and making sure he’s bundled up (well, Dad too).

I’m the one talking to the 11 year old about periods and sex and bodily changes. I’m the one talking to the 5 year old about not being sneaky and lying. About being a good girl. She takes after you, sometimes. That’s all she’s ever seen up till now.

I’m grateful, not only for them, but for us, that we have the kids half-time. They are safe here. They are loved here. They are not made to clean like scullery maids, they are read to, they get their homework done. They play, they help cook.

You miss out on a lot here. The kids you have at home are combative and angry. They want your attention and unconditional love so much. But your selfishness won’t let you give it to them. You are a marginal mother.

Well, don’t worry. Their father and I will be there for them the rest of their lives. And I thank you for having them. Now it is my turn to help raise them, the way my mother raised me: with unconditional love, compassion, respect, and understanding.

One day, we all hope you get your act together.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 3, 2010.

2 Responses to “Dear Mother of my Step-children”

  1. Beautiful letter. The Skids are lucky to have you and their Dad. What many BioParents don’t understand is that a parent is not judged by the prefix they posses (Step/Bio) but on how well they parent.

    You are a true parent.

    Best regards,

  2. I feel like I could have written this myself…

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