Dear Ex-Wife

I have been with your ex-husband for a year now. We tried to date 5 years ago but the situation with you was just too difficult and we decided to end things. I thought things were better now. They are in a way, but you are still such a negative influence on him. You have damaged him and continue to do so. What’s really sad is that you are doing the same thing to your son.

I was a single mom when I met your ex-husband. My ex simply left and was never seen again. My daughter does not have a father; she has never even met him. She misses him or at least misses having a dad every single day. Financially, things have always been tight. I’ve had to take on two or three jobs to be able to make ends meet.

You on the other, have been blessed with a wonderful ex. He is a patient man and he never gets angry, hit or become verbally abusive. He loves his son more than anything and will put up with anything from you to keep his son healthy and happy. He has helped you financially, he is present at everything and has never disappointed his son. Yet, you don’t seem to realise this.

You treated him awfully when you were with him. You are the one who proposed marriage to him. You are the one who barely invited anybody from his side at YOUR wedding. Yes, it was your wedding only. I have seen the photos. You barely even looked at him! You are the one who sat my mother-in-law, this incredible woman, far away from the wedding party and replaced her by an aunt of yours.  You made him miserable, and yet still decided to have a child with him. You are the one who threw him out, and yet you keep this grip on him that is just unhealthy.

You followed him all the way to his work, actually getting yourself hired at his job! You solicit him for money all the time. Yet you try, by any means necessary to keep him at bay. You never inform him of anything regarding his son and he has to call and almost beg for the information. Don’t you know how lucky you are to have such a man be the father of your child? Don’t you know that I would give anything for him to be the father of my child? Do you know how much all of this is affecting your son? I would tell you how much this is affecting me, but you wouldn’t care. You care about no one else than yourself. You control everything, and because my man does not want his son to see his parents fighting, he gives in to everything. He is stuck between trying to build a life with us and you all the time! He was single for the last 7 years because he just did not see how it was possible with you! You kept summoning him all the time and making him feel guilty for wanting a life of his own!

He does not want another child because of you. He believes that women are all as awful as you. All as manipulative and hurtful! He does not want to bring in another child because of the guilt he feels for his son. I’m working hard to show him that it is not the case; that women are not all like that. But your son will be stuck with you forever. I feel so awful for him that his mother would prefer to make him cry to get her way. He will have to deal with you as an adult and the pattern will probably be the same. He won’t get to choose the way he wants to lead his life, you will. I find that so awful! Your son is confused, hurt and it’s all because of you. I can’t believe you don’t see that.

You have a new husband. You should be content. But one man is not enough. This husband of yours does not seem to satisfy you. So you go after mine! After 7 years of divorce you still hold on to my man. You still do it on purpose to call when you know we are away together for a weekend. You still found a way to make sure you spend every day with him at work. You still found a way to be in his life even though you did not want him anymore. You can’t do that. You can’t throw away someone and decide to still keep the parts that please you. Yes, my man is successful. He has drive and passion at work and does well financially. You long for that part of life with him. That’s why you hover around like some kind of rat! You don’t value his skills as a father, you value his money. He is useful to you because he will lend you money when you need it.

Every time I see you with him, you are mean to him. You call him fat or make fun of him. And he takes it. He takes it because of his son. He is the only parent who truly cares about that child. He puts up with you for that reason only. Don’t you go and think that he cares about you. He only cares about his son and that’s what makes him a great man.

Every day I try to show him that he can be treated properly by someone he loves. Not all women are like you! Every day I work at repairing the damage. I may never be able to get him to marry me or have a child with me, but I love him every day despite you. I will support him and I will value him and I will try to make up for what you did and for what you still do.

You are an awful human being. You don’t deserve to have him in your life. You don’t deserve to call yourself a mother. I would never do to my child what you keep on doing. I would never use my daughter to get my way. I will always put her first. That is something that you know nothing about. You put yourself first, always. I hope one day your son realises what you have done and I am sure that he will realise the great father he has. He already loves his father very much and is so much more demonstrative with him than with you.

I believe in karma. I believe that life is fair and that people eventually get what they deserve. You will be a very bitter old woman. You will be the person your son gets away from. Your future daughter-in-law will avoid you. They will arrange it so they see as little of you as possible.  I know this will not happen to my man. His love is true and his son will know that. He will look forward to visiting his dad.

I still have to put up with you, for many years to come. I’m ready for you! Bring it on!

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on December 17, 2009.

One Response to “Dear Ex-Wife”

  1. Yikes. You obviously love this man but please don’t excuse his lack of a back bone by saying “he does it for his son”
    If he allows this woman to treat him poorly and if he feels all women are like her then he hasn’t let go of that relationship either. My husband and his ex were in a similar situation several years back. He refused to be spoken to badly, he refused to be used and he wouldn’t lend money. She eventually “got it” and there was no more payoff for bad behavior, she changed. I would not have stayed if my husband were any other way. What a nightmare for all of you. He is being a willing hostage at this point. I don’t want you to blame the ex alone. Your man is allowing this situation to continue. He isn’t respecting you or himself. Your real problem is with him, not her. Eventually, you will run out of respect for this “victim”. You and your child deserve better.

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