Dear Stepdaughters

I write this with some trepidation because you are young adults and I feel I can’t do anything but hold on to some kind of hope that you will eventually grow up and become mature, responsible older adults.

When your Dad and I first met and eventually when I met you both, you were adorable and sweet little girls.   Things changed once you made your way into high school and changed in a big way.  While your actions hurt me because I feel I have gone above and beyond as your step-mother, I really am having a very difficult time reconciling your actions towards your Father.

Your Dad has been there for you through everything.  Everything! He went to every concert, sporting event, teacher conference, etc., etc.  There were only one or two times that he couldn’t be there because of his job but that’s it, over all those years.  He tried to support you in the things you wanted to do.  He tried to be there for you when you went through the “going from little girl to young woman” time in your lives.  He may not have always known what to do but he made every effort he could.  He has been a constant, stabilizing force in your lives.

The way you have thanked and respected him is to shut him off completely.  Both of you have moved out of our house during high school because its more fun at Mom’s.  In other words, your Dad had rules, nothing overbearing, but expectations while your Mother did not.   Instead of trying to talk to your Dad, you screamed, yelled, ranted and raved, threatened to runaway and then moved out and cut him off completely.  He has reached out to both of you.  One daughter, you have totally ignored his efforts to reach out to you.  The other daughter, he has tried to help you with money when you’ve been really short on cash.  How did you thank him, us really? You came into our home while we were at work and robbed us.  To violate us that deeply and personally, moves me beyond words.   To do so, with premeditation and later show absolutely no remorse, is beyond words.

What the two of you have done to this man, a genuine, good and loving man, has brought me to tears.  In fact, I’m cried out and I don’t know how to help him through this.  He told me he is afraid that he’ll die without there ever being a reconciliation of any kind.  To that, my only answer is that it will be a burden both of you will carry the rest of your lives.  In fact, and I hate to say this, I hope you do carry that burden.  To do to him, to anyone for that matter, what you have is beyond comprehension to me and the rest of our families and friends.  Your behavior is beyond appalling.  Disappointment is too good a word to use.  I like to think that I’m a good Christian and that I can forgive and forget but I don’t know if I can.  Not that that would matter to you.  I’m not sure I can come back from this, I don’t think I can get beyond what you have done to your Dad.  I had always hoped you would want the kind of loving relationship I had with my Dad, that’s what I dreamed of for you both.  I guess its just not important to you.

Some day, it will be important to you and then it may be too late.

Your Step-Mom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on October 21, 2009.

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