Dear Husband

I am mad that you don’t recognize what I do for you and your children and honestly, your money-sucking lazy kept, perfectly manicured ex-wife. I am mad that you expect me to be the house mom and berate me when I am exhausted and all I would like is a little, “Thanks hon. Wow, you work so hard. How can I let you know that I appreciate you?” to keep me going. There is no space in our life for me or quite frankly, us. There is no us. Every time I think you’re going to get it and send an email that says “thank you for all that you do,” I’m wrong. I get one that says, “I need you to stay with the kids on this day. I need you to attend this meeting on Wednesday. I need you to work from home this day because I have an early meeting and you need to send the kids off to school. Did you call the sitter? No, you can’t do this with daughter because it’s a school night (despite the fact that you’re doing something with son that very school night). I’m going to the game with son so I need you to stay with daughter.” I hate that when I come home from a long commute and an exhausting work day, there is no sweet welcome, but an angry list of things I have not done. You resent that I’ve been at work and you’ve been there vaccuming. And when I’m done, there is no love, you go hang with your best friend, the TV set. I am angry that while you have no qualms being a jerk to me, your mood lightens when you get an email from your ex with the latest on the kids. I am angry that when I ask for a little affection, your answer is ‘Fine, I’ll ask ex-wife for help since you clearly have a problem with being a part of this family.” I am angry that you belittle me and that I’m starting to feel the effects of that by questioning what I do and my competence and abilities and general qualities of the fine human being that I am. I feel like such a fool to call this my life. I resent you and your lack of love, affection, and appreciation. I don’t even resent your family. They at least show me love and affection.

Your very angry and resentful wife.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on September 17, 2009.

4 Responses to “Dear Husband”

  1. I feel your pain. Spoken like a true step mom. We go above and beyond a bio mom and bio dad but yet we lack the proper recognition. A small thank you will go a long way. Stand tall and keep your head up!

  2. Please stay strong ! It is a very difficult road we Stepmoms have chosen but you are doing a great job and if your husband won’t say it I will !!!

  3. I’m glad you got some of this off your chest by posting here. Hang in there and keep doing the right things for the kids. Look for things you can do for yourself and make yourself feel good too. Is there any chance that your husband would agree to counseling? If not both of you together (ideal) then is there any way you could go to a counselor to help you through this. It feels good to talk with someone and feel like you are listened to and your feelings are validated. Sometimes it helps give us tools to cope or new ways of thinking about something and it helps us get through some time. Maybe you can start slowly letting him know what you do not appreciate or tell him what you need from him for “your relationship” for the “US” that is suppose to be there as a married couple. I’m sorry you are so angry and frustrated. I know the feeling, struggling with different things but still. Hang in there and keep posting!

  4. every father (step or bio) should read this letter… I promise, some of it WILL pertain to you!

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