Dear Mommy of a Beautiful Girl

Please do what is right for your child.  Stop hating me for the situation you initiated and the wrong choices you’ve made.  We’ve all made this bed, now our daughter has to lie in it for the rest of her life.  She is forced daily to accept this situation that we’ve created.

I’ve come to realize that you’ll never be “ok” with the situation as it is.  I’ve tried nice, nasty, and everything in between.  Now, I’m going to try acceptance & maybe you should to.  I am going to write this letter to you here and let it all go.  This is nowhere near all the feelings I have, but it is a tiny bit of what I am willing to share with the world.

The most important people that are affected are our children; yours, mine, and “ours.”  I’ve accepted the fact that I’ve let you take away so much of my precious time the last few years, but also that I will not give ONE MORE SECOND after this letter.

You can hate the fact that I am raising your child while you are hours away.  You can hate that you can’t be here for every minute of her life.  You can hate that I am not miserable. However, you may not hate ME.  You don’t know me.

When you left him, you left that void in her life too.  You chose to leave a life that you created for whatever reason, it no longer matters.  The day you left him was the day you gave up your right to have any part of his life.  While that does not mean you lost your right to have a voice in her life, the child you share is not a piece of property.  She is a living being with thoughts, feelings, and a life of her own.

The fact that she was a baby makes it even harder.  She’s known me as a parent in her life as long as she remembers.  She doesn’t understand why you hate us.  She doesn’t understand that we had a huge court battle, as well she shouldn’t.  She just knows we all love her so much that we want to spend every minute with her.  Isn’t that the way a parent should love a child?

You claim that we push you out of her life.  The honest truth, however hard it is for you to accept, is that if you wanted to be in her life, YOU WOULD BE IN IT!  Don’t blame your absence on your other child or on my presence.  I will not remove myself from my family for your convenience.  I would love for us to be able to be in the same room for our daughter, but that is your call.

Yes, our daughter.  You noticed that huh?  Whether we want to admit it or not, she will always be OUR DAUGHTER.  I will be supporting her at graduation, her wedding, her children’s births & I hope you choose to be there as well.  Are we going to continue this hostility or can we get past it to be the best 2 moms any girl could ask for?  We don’t have to be best friends.  We just have to work out some boundaries and a neutral zone.  I’m sure you’ll know this is mine and you know how to find me.

Mommy too

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on September 16, 2009.

2 Responses to “Dear Mommy of a Beautiful Girl”

  1. What a lovely heart-felt letter. That little girl is so lucky to have you for a Mom!

  2. thank you, I hope she’ll feel that way when she’s older and able to understand the mess we’ve all made of her life

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