To my husband’s ex-wife

I write this letter in hopes of finally getting some closure from very large load that I’ve carried for 9 years now. 

You are the most self centered, hateful, vindictive drama queen that has ever walked this earth.  You have a child that is disabled and you milk that for every thing you can get for free and all the sympathy that comes along as well.  Your son is now in the good Lord’s hands because you failed to do your part as a Real Mother and actually be there for him and watch him when he was in your possession. You quit your job because your disabled child needed your care more – HA! 90 HOURS of nursing care that my insurance and the lovely taxpayers pay for and her half days of school care is not enough for you still.  The whole 10 hours a week that you don’t have someone watching her is tooo much for you.  Once you quit your job you filed for more child support stating “Everything is getting more expensive.”  HELLO!

The courts – well that’s another story and are not in the best interest of the children.  You may have won the battle, but you lost the war.  I take my daughter to visit her older brother at his grave site every other week.  My daughter grieves for her Real Brother not half brother.  But you don’t care.  She meant nothing in your books to your daughter and your son.  The only one who is suffering here is you?  Oh yeah, right.  As my husband paid for everything at the funeral your sorry family and friends could not even shake his hand and acknowledge him and respectfully give him their condolences.  Instead they shook your hand and your sorry boyfriend’s hand.  They just walked right past the Real Father! 

Just further goes to tell you how sorry you and your friends are. 

You didn’t pay a cent of the funeral because you didn’t have any money, but my husband let you decide what your son would like to be buried in.  But what happened a month later – you bought yourself a brand new car.  The money came from where? Insurance you kept to yourself and the many donations you received.  You are a sorry, sorry , sorry person.  You don’t marry your long time boyfriend because you will no longer receive your daughter’s social security check and the state will not continue to pay all the expenses that a real mother and father should be responsible for.  Instead of showing the world “hey let’s see what we can do to find a cure” you show them “hey feel sorry for me and help me so I can’t help myself.” 

Your boyfriend is just as sorry.  You’d rather cook and clean for him and his kids and leave your disabled child in the care of a nurse for 24 hours a day.  As you refer to your daughter’s nurses as “My Nurse.”  Tell me how the courts can find you in the best interest of the disabled child. 

There is so much I can’t forgive you for like my husband does because he loves his children deeply and is willing to let things go.  I can’t and I don’t.  He deserves much better and one day we will have custody of his daughter which would definitely be in her best interest.
 
Love,

Step Mom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on August 31, 2009.

5 Responses to “To my husband’s ex-wife”

  1. The sadness I feel for you cannot be described in words. I am sorry that there is so much hurt in your life. Please know that a special prayer will go out to your family tonight. May God be with you.

  2. I am so sorry and I also understand the pain and frustration this situation brings into a family’s life and especially to the stepmom, who must tread so lightly and is not understood except by others like her.

    After raising two severely disabled sons, I met and married my husband. He had two normal little sons. Their mother is very mentally ill and selfish and decided to make her boys “special”, too. She read up on all the right things to say and went to a fancy clinic and paid a ton to get diagnoses that are not real. I am an expert in the field and I know. It is shameful and she has ruined their lives. My husband hates to argue with her and is ruled by his mother, who paid for the kids’ adoption. He goes along and it makes me sick. Other people won’t get what they need, and these kids’ lives are over. What a waste! I’d give anything for my boys to have ONE DAY as non-disabled children!

    I know we all will reap what we sow, but I pray for you and for me right now and hope we can have some peace during this life now.

  3. I am deeply sorry for your frustration over all these years. Your story sounds VERY similar to mine. My husband has a disabled 20-year-old son. His ex-wife sponges off the Government and the child support and loves all the sympathy she receives for a sick child. I a struggling to deal with her and her selfishness for almost 17 years now.

    I am hoping that one day I will find peace in this situation.

  4. Funny enough I am only two years in and I absolutely loathe the fact that I have to deal with this scum or her son (also my husband’s son). He’s disabled and loving child but the whole thing with his mother just turned my stomach and everything else off towards them…that I just don’t see myself caring or wanting to be involved AT ALL. I am pregnant with our second child and I’m pretty secure about the relationship between me and my husband. I just wish they were not a factor because of all the drama she caused…lying to police etc. And he somehow looks past it and its all chummy and sweet nothings but I CAN NOT. I could care less as long as I AM NOT involved. I have three kids to look after and my husband just finally started to get a clue about the importance of better finances while I have been expected to be all understanding about this kid and his mother and Government covering her every whim. I have lost my home over these ****ers. I am always probably going to be mad. I just hate being associated with this bitch AT ALL and it boils my blood. I even considered divorcing my husband just to not have anything to do with any of them but we love each other so divorce will likely not happen. I may be the most awful stepperson but I’m simply real about how I feel…I DO NOT pretend and I will not. Ugh.

  5. Stop bitching, you married a man who had children, what did you think was going to happen, that he would forget all about his children? Maybe some men do but not all.
    Women have to think about this before marriage not after. What would happen if the ex was no longer there and could not take care of the children?

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