To my husband’s ex-wife

I hope this letter gets off my chest all the things i need to say.  Somehow i doubt you will ever read it i only wish i had the courage to email it to you.  For 2 long years so much has weighed on my mind.

I know you lost your world because of me.  One day you woke up and your husband and your lovely home were gone.  19 years and two children, you were childhood sweethearts.  Your close friends were still your school friends.  You had it all and he walked away from everything.  He left his 4 bed detached house on a private lane and came to live in a 2 bedroom flat.  He left everyone of his friends, they all took your side and never called him again. They were all his friends of 19 years. The weekend he left his parents decided to visit you and offer you support.  They never even called him.  He left his job he stepped down from a manager role..  He moved 140 miles away from his kids.  In your own words your beautiful, gorgeous have long blonde hair and a size ten with 8 grands worth of fake boobs.  I am size 18 and i think im ok not gorgeous.

I know you think you have done nothing wrong you tell everyone constantly.  Do you never sit and think for just 2 minutes he gave a terrific amount up.  He didnt do that for nothing.

How many times did you think you could bully him and he would just take it.  How many times did you think ill attack him verbally.  Put him down in front of his friends.  Insult the way he eats, insult the way he looks.  What was your famous line.  PATHETIC LITTLE MAN.  Did you think he would work 72 hours and week forever.  For you to spend it on clothes, hair and nails.  He earnt 45k a year and he had 1 pair of shoes.  Even they had holes in them.  You had clothes that you had bought that didnt fit you.  You couldnt even be bothered to take them back you just threw them under the bed.

You worked 12 hours a week, he did 12 hours a day.  You did 3 days a week to be exact and your beautiful house was dirty.  He spent hours re-building that house for you to raise a family in.  You couldnt even run the hoover round.  Your kids were 7 and 9 and at school all day.  Yes he did take me into your home.  he cried tears of shame because it was such a dump. Your 36 years old and you cant even pick up your own dirty pants.  Your so in love with yourself.  The only person that ever mattered was you.  He never came into a meal.  You ate with the kids and 5 he walked in at 8 to nothing.  He did all of those hours for you to stay home and you couldnt even cook his dinner.

How many more years did you really think it could go on for.  I offered him nothing i even begged him to stay with you.

What i dont understand is how no one can see through you.  Your a fake and you nearly destroyed the most amazing man in the world.  You have even convinced his mom and dad that your an angel.  It doenst matter what you do or say to us your still the little princess.  your kids turn up to our house smelling.  There clothes are a mess.  where does your huge amount of child maintenance go?

I have spent 2 years re-building him.  Trying to build his confidence and you constantly knock it out of him.  Please just let us be.  We hand over huge amounts of cash we have the children as much as possible. We support you whenever we can.  He has never let you down, he paid your morgage for a year.  There was a time when you were kid free for 17 weekends in a row.  We worked 5 days a week and had them everyweekend.  We were physically and mentally exhausted but we kept on going.  You still pull at us, for 2 years you have tried to pull us apart.

You have lied to me about things he has suposidly said.  You were at one point calling him and texting all day.  You have caused us so much trouble…. after 2 years of hell we still love each other to death.  I am here to stay why cant you just accept it.
YOu dig at me constantly.  You tell his mom i stop you being friends as i find you a threat.  You have never beena threat to me NEVER!! He doesnt want  to be your friend its nothing to do with me.  You keep all of his family close to you.  Let go of them they are not your family anymore there mine.  I am sick of walking in your shoes.

Everytime you need anything you call hi,.  You need to figure out stuff for yourself.  Yet when something is going on in the kids lives you dont tell him…

You have caused me so much hurt and pain.  I know i was the other woman but you have to let me live my life.  I am your childrens step mom and they love me.  I have tried so hard with them.  We have a relaitionship that i never dreamt in my wildest dreams we would have.  I am not all bad even you must see that by now.  I cannot keep fighting anymore.  I cant live my life like this anymore.  Please stop pulling at me, at our relationship.  I love him with all my heart and i love your boys too.

We could let go of the past we could have even be friends.  You will never know how many times i have defended you or fought your corner.  I just need you to accept me and to leave us be.  The only ties we need ever have are the kids. You dont need to know what we do, where we are.  The only reason you have to call is because of the kids.  If you carry on like thishe will stop answering you.

2 years ago you were telling everyone how fed up you were of him.  You were ready to walk away from him anyway.  The first 2 months he was gone you were relieved.  You were enjoying your life what changed.  You wanted out you made sure everyone knew you did.  So why do you care that he found me?  You packed his bags and put them his car.  You even called me to tell me he was on his way.

Then you told everyone that you were a  broken woman.  You used the he left me for another woman card. I think you did it because everyone knew how good he was to you.  How could you justify leaving him.

I will never have children of my own, we couldnt ever afford to.  We still live in a 2 bedroom flat whilst you live in a lovely house.  You even walked away with all the cash.  All i want is some peace.  Stop kicking me in the face day after day.  Stop hurting him stop kicking us both.  You said to me once i hurt you to hurt him.

I cant take much more.  If i walk away he could meet someone else. You could do worse than me.  Your kids have a step mom who adores them.  You have never once questioned my relationship with your boys.  You have never once even questioned what i have done with them or said to them.  You obviously trust me with them.  You are so vocal about everything else.  If you had anything to say you would.  You must have no concerns.  Is that not enough?  You know how happy they are when they are with me.  I know it hurts you when you see them hug me.  Thats why we always say our goodbyes out of your sight.  you see how much they love me.  There Nan constantly watches me with them and i know she reports back to you.  She also says constantly how much they adore and miss me.

I am sorry i took him away from you.  I didnt chose to fall in love with a married man.  he took my breath away and i would never have been able to breath again with out him.  We were 2 very unhappy people who learnt to smile together.
Please, just let me be.



~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on August 5, 2009.

4 Responses to “To my husband’s ex-wife”

  1. Painfully beautiful letter… I will pray for you and your relationship. You and he both deserve love and a new chapter.

  2. Well, steal someone’s husband, what the hell do you expect? Sympathy?! Ha ha!

    • Steal another husband?? there is no such thing, if u have a strong marriage and you are good to your man… there is no way someone is going to steal him from u. If a husband chooses to leave is because there was a reason to begin with. Its not an honorable thing to be with a married man, but I think its not just the husband or the “other womans” fault. In this case it takes three to tango 🙂

  3. I think noone can steal a husband; if a man chooses to walk away its because there was a reason. I got married a year ago to a wonderful man, he left his familly for another woman (not me, thank God); but I don’t blame him, ten years of sleeping on separate bedrooms, ten years of humiliations and no sex!!

    I agree: how long did she expected to last? and then the complain “he left his kids for another woman!”

    Good luck and I’m glad he found u!

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