Dear step-children’s mother

You are the worst person I have ever met. You are selfish, manipulative, angry, rude, and violent. Though I heard the stories from my in laws and husband, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and you have fulfilled the image of the character in their stories.

1. Just because you are their mother, doesn’t mean you “deserve” all of their time, school-work, and love. Their father is equally important, and their wider family is close. I have grown to love them and spend almost half of my time caring for them.

2. Saying things like “Don’t forget to tell Daddy how much you want to go to ____” or “I don’t want to have to bring this up in court, but if I have to, I will” (in front of the kids) is completely inappropriate and horrid. I know that you “don’t know how much time I’ve spent around children” but I assure you that your behavior is not ok.

3. When you grab your own child and tug him to pull him away from waving at me and Daddy when we see you walking in the street or say “Fuck you” at us, shaking and holding your child’s head to turn him away from his Dad, this is not healthy. Some might consider it abusive. If anyone else treated your children the way that you do, you would have them arrested.

4. I know I’ve asked many times, but please stop copying me on rude emails to my husband. I know you don’t like him, approve of his parenting, or like it when he runs a few minutes late (we called to tell you, but you wouldn’t answer our phone call), but I really like him, I love him, and I think he is a great parent. The children are happy and expressive at our house. They make art and play, help out, and get along.
Also, please stop talking about me behind my back. If you have a problem, please talk to me. The sappy, silly voice is really getting on my nerves and really makes me feel like I can’t trust anything about you.

5. I said this before. Stop hurting your children (mentally and physically) by taking your anger at their Dad out on them.

When I married, I hoped to get to know you, woman to woman, caretaker to caretaker, and build a relationship to ease the weekly transitions for the kids. I thought perhaps we could even be friends. Instead, I am on edge when you come to pick up the kids, send an email, call our house.

Nonetheless, be well. I hope you find some peace.


~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on June 15, 2009.

6 Responses to “Dear step-children’s mother”

  1. I can print this EXACTLY how you wrote it and send it to our Bio mom. This fits her to a tee!

  2. What’s the deal? I know divorce brings out the worst in people, but this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. What’s a girl to do?

  3. I could sign this letter, my heart breaks for you, the children and their father. The bio mom is hurting nobody but her own children and I fear for how my step-children will be emotionally “f-d up” when they’re older because of the messing of their heads………. what is so wrong with allowing a child to love their father??

  4. oh my god thank you for whoever wrote this. I am dealing with the same issues almost to a “t”. I can not even see my stepchildren alone due to court issuses because the bio mom temper. Hopefully things will settle down and my husband will have the kids. Thank you again.

  5. “If anyone else treated your children the way that you do, you would have them arrested.”

    OMG THANK YOU!!! YES, YES, YES! So dead-on!

    And I really like the reponse quote, “What is so wrong with allowing a child to love their father??” AND THIS IS FROM A MOM, not a Stepmom! THANK YOU!

    Your letter speaks to all of us. Thank you for writing!

  6. Wow! All of these letters really hit home, biomom is just like this! It’s terrible and it’s ruining the kids. =(

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