I realize you despise me with every ounce of your being but I do not know why. I do not understand where your anger towards me started. What did you even know about me in order to form such a negative opinion? Was your opinion formed solely on the information provided by my ex-husband? Honestly, what would your ex-husband say about you? Would any of it be nice? Would much of it be biased? Would your version differ from his? Couldn’t that possibly be the case with what you have heard from my ex-husband?
I have thought many times about the “anti-relationship” between us. I have thought about what type of people we both are. I know without a doubt that you have people in your life who think you are wonderful, caring, kind, funny and understanding. It’s confusing to me that I have never seen those aspects of you. Why would you not want me, the child’s mother, to think those great things about you?
I also do not understand why this situation is a competition. Can I not just be my child’s mother and you be his stepmother? Why isn’t that good enough? Why do you put me down to my child and seek to replace me as his mother? Why must you make him feel guilty about loving me? Yes he lives you, or rather his father, but I am here, I am involved, I am his mother. He doesn’t need another mother, but an additional adult that supports him and loves him could be a wonderful bonus in his life. Are the sneers necessary? Are the faces and gestures at exchanges necessary? Is attempting to limit the amount and the manner of my access necessary? You have a son yourself, for one minute put yourself in my shoes and think how you would feel if someone were doing to you what you have done to me for so long? Under what conditions are those actions actually justified?
The competition continues even further than just the child, doesn’t it? Why do you feel the need to attack me professionally? Why do you feel the need to try to cause problems in my marriage? What possible benefit could that give you? What possible benefit to my son could that be? Will I ever be able to live my life without fear of you trying to destroy anything good or promising that I have?
My ex-husband loves you. He and I shared a time together when we were young and then we both grew and went our separate ways and grew up some more. I do not want him back and he does not want me back. We have both moved on. The only thing left of that is our son who needs us both in his life. Just as my husband can never replace the father, you cannot replace the mother. Trying to do so will only push my son further from you.
I love my child and I believe you love my child as well. That should be enough common ground for a good starting point of cooperation. I have tried my hardest to avoid you at all costs so this situation does not escalate but, if you are ever inclined to lay down the gauntlet and start anew in the spirit of cooperation I would welcome the fresh start. We do not even need to discuss anything from the past, it’s past, let’s just smile, treat each other with respect, work together and move on.