Dear Bio-Mom

First and foremost, I want to thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with me.  “Cinderella” is the light of my life, and I am blessed for every day that I get to spend with her.  But there a lot of things I’ve wanted to say to you every day for the last 4 years.  But you’ve decided that I am an awful person and decreed that I never speak to you.  After all, I committed the cardinal sin of daring “to speak to you like I was your friend.”  How dare I?!?!
I don’t think you are a very good mom, and I’m sure you’re aware of that fact.  You spend 3 months in Alaska (voluntarily) when Cinderella was only 18 months old and you couldn’t be bothered to call her or write to her – not even once.  Is it any wonder that she didn’t want to go with you when you came back?  Is it any wonder that she decided to call me Momma?
You didn’t come to see her when she was in the hospital with the rotovirus, and it was me & “Prince Charming” that she wanted to stay with her.  She could have died and you couldn’t drive 20 miles to see her.  She was 2.
You constantly pawned her off on your parents and on Prince Charming’s mom, so that you could go out and party.
You bad-mouthed Prince Charming to Cinderella, and you call him by his first name when referring to him, yet you wonder why she calls YOU by your first name.
We tell Cinderella that she can call me whatever she feels comfortable calling me, and that she can call YOUR significant other whatever she is comfortable calling him.  You insist that she calls me only by my first name, and she comes and asks us why her significant other doesn’t want to be her dad anymore – just your other children’s dad.
You gave away a child – one of Cinderella’s sisters.  You gave her AWAY.  With no name, no parents on her birth certificate, a complete loss of identity.  And you denied that you did it, under oath, in court, and to every single person who asked you if you were pregnant.
You kept Cinderella from us for 3 months one year, you don’t let us talk on the phone to her when she’s with you, you never paid her medical bills, you don’t come to her doctor appointments, you don’t take her to school functions when she’s with you, and you don’t let her brush her teeth because “it might wake up your brother.” 
You smoke around Cinderella when she has a smoke allergy, and then tell us that perhaps WE need an air filter when we tell you that she comes to us with a smoker’s cough. 
You accuse us of manipulation, deceit, and abuse.  You slander us in public, and to our own family.  You spank and kick Cinderella, you tell her that she is a bad child, you tell her that she lies.  You let your significant other kick her.  You let your mother tell her that she’s naughty when she’s done nothing.
You don’t care about Cinderella – you care about hurting Prince Charming, and making him “pay” for getting you pregnant in the first place.
You may never have wanted Cinderella, but we always have and if you truly don’t want her, as you’ve said, than give her to us.  Let us give her the love, the respect, the happy life she deserves. 
Don’t punish Cinderella for what you perceive to be Prince Charming’s sins.  You’ve hurt her enough.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on May 9, 2009.

2 Responses to “Dear Bio-Mom”

  1. My heart breaks reading this. ROUGH SITUATION that sounds like it borderlines on abuse, emotional if nothing else. Hang in there and LOVE this Cinderella. Try to not bad talk her mother even when she is evil and doing everything wrong, saying things wrong. YOU do the right things. You be positive. YOU build excuses for the pathetic mother because Cinderella really does need her mothers love and acknowledgement. Cinderella will grow up. She will see for herself who bad talked who, who was really there for her, who could she depend on. Love her. She will see the truth soon enough. Good Luck!

  2. yes…i dont bad mouth the bio Mom…but when my 14 year old stepdaughter tells me comments her Mom makes that are untrue (it was okay to smoke when she was pregnant with her)…and that she can do her homework herself and refuses to help and that summer are for fun not for upgrading her school cuz she is barely hanging on a thread if i had not stepped in and recommened tutors and the fact that you bio-mom’s rarely go see her basketball games and okay for me to constantly go out of my way to pick her up and drop her off while you are sitting watching your upteen mindless TV shows and every reality show you can think of….why do the hubbies let them have the control: Because that’s just the way she is and it’s easier and there is nothing he can do about it… okay for me to suck it up……how i wish there were stepmoms that knew what i was talking about…

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