Dear Egg Donor

Age 2- You checked out of your daughter’s life to start an affair with your husband’s best friend

Age 3- You decided that everything was more important than seeing your daughter- you chose your BF and booze.

Age 4- You got caught and lost your daughter.

Age 5- You got drunk and hit a parked car head on. You knocked your daughters front teeth out and didn’t take her to the Dr. You lie now and say a deer ran out.

Age 6- She was molested in your care while you were passed out. You allowed him to be there… and still do.

Age 7- You showed up falling down drunk to a Christmas pageant.

Age 8- You get so drunk and pass out on a regular basis that your daughter takes care of you on her weekend visits. We call the police on you- you don’t remember that they are there. You don’t notice your daughter is missing when we get her in the middle of the night.

Age 9- Your boyfriend that you cheated on your husband with- cheated on you- marrying another woman after knowing her for 2 days. Your daughter became your confidant and leaning post.

Age 10- You meet me, and decided that it is a good idea to tell your daughter how horrible I am.

Age 11- Your daughter hides when it is time to go see you. She cries and pleads not to go.

Age 12- She ignores your calls, letters and lies to get out of visits.

Age 13- She admits she wants to commit suicide because you chose drinking over her.

Age 14- She admits that she has thought about cutting herself to ease her inner pain. We get her into counseling- and you ignore the counselors phone calls requesting you are there because you don’t want to hear it is your fault.

Age 15- Your daughter slaps your face while you are drunk to get out anger.

 I don’t have hostility towards you because you were married to my husband, nor do I have hostility towards you because you had a child and I cannot. My hostility comes from you choosing to drink instead of being a parent. I love your daughter more than I can tell you. She has grown up with a mother that has only done the bare minimum. Yes, you provided her shelter- but she slept on the couch. Yes, you have provided her food- where are her veggies? French fries are not a food group. Yes, you clothe her, but she was 2 sizes bigger than her clothes. Yes, you sent her to school- what is her teacher’s name? Do you know it? From age 10-15, I have been her role model. I have lead her down the right path. I have helped her with homework- talked about sex, drugs and boys. I have done all the jobs that you were supposed to do- but your bottle was too important. You claim that your daughter is the most important person in the world to you… is that why you drive drunk with her in the car? Is that why she has to put you to bed at night? Is that why she sits in her room all weekend on your visitation weekend? Explain to me again please how she is important to you. And now? She has cut ties with you. She never wants to see you again. You think she is being a bratty teenager- she isn’t. She is becoming a woman with her own mind- and she knows what you are now. She doesn’t want to sit by and watch you drink yourself to death. She doesn’t want to sit by and see what a failure of a mother you are. I have held her when she cried. I have helped with homework. I have hugged her when she made honor roll. I have been there. You have not. One day you will sober up- and you will wonder what has happened to your daughter. I have done everything humanly possible to keep a relationship going with the two of you. I email you weekly about what is going on. You don’t email back- stating you don’t have the time. Parenting doesn’t have banker’s hours. You promise to call her, you don’t. You promise to be there, you aren’t. What did you expect would happen? What did you think your daughter was going to do? Stand there while you took every ounce of self worth and dignity from her? She is much stronger than you. Through her own eyes she has seen what you are. I have never said one bad word about you to your daughter. I wanted her to see what you were on her own time table. That time has come. She sees who you are. And so now- I get your role. I didn’t campaign for it. I didn’t ask for it. But by you being who you are, I am now more of a mother than you are. I’m sorry for your loss, but I am oh so happy about my gain. I am sorry that you have lost your daughter. It hurts me more than I am willing to admit. I hope that someday you will see that the bottle has taken your daughter from you. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my husband- it was you. YOU did this. I have done nothing but do right by your daughter. Something you should have done. I hope that you will stop drinking before it kills you. I care about you… you are the mother of the most important thing in my life, but from now on, I cannot hold your relationship together. I must use my energy to help your daughter find the words to tell her future children how you died with a bottle in your hand.


** My bonus daughter is happy and healthy now. Her smile could shine through the darkest night. Her mom is MIA.



A loving Step Mom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on April 24, 2009.

2 Responses to “Dear Egg Donor”

  1. This….this brought tears to my eyes. Bless you for being an angel on earth. Your DAUGHTER is very lucky, and I’m sure she knows it.

  2. Thank you!… it brings tears to my eyes every day! Since writing this, my stepdaughter has stopped all contact- but not before writing her and saying that she will not see her or take her calls until she gets into treatment- which wont happen until she admits she drinks. God Bless you!

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