Dear Stepchild

I have known your dad since before you were born.  And, maybe someday you will find out, we have been in love, also, since before you were born.  We “found” ourselves just 11 days before he learned that you even existed, in the belly of your mother.

Now, your mom and dad live in different houses.  You are 10 months old and not really aware of the situation.  I play with you, read you stories, try my best to make you laugh.  I’m not that involved yet; I want to take it slow, because it was really hard, at the beginning, just to aknowledge your existence.  You were the mistake, the “if you weren’t there, I would’ve been with my soulmate sooner”.  I was hating myself to think like that, but I couldn’t help myself.  I knew that it wasn’t your fault, but a little bit of you father’s, because he didn’t think enough before conceiving you.  But then again, we can’t use the word mistake anymore.  Not since you’re born, and brought joy with your little face alone.  I knew I had a problem, wanted to solve it, and went to see a psy.  I worked it out, and was glad to see you for the first time last december.  You were 5 months old. Altought there was a little tears, I think that we definitly made a connection in front of the christmas tree, at my appartment. 🙂

I have suffered a lot in the past months.  Your father wanted to be there for you when you were very little, so you could develop a strong relationship together.  I understood, but it was really hard to see him go back to sleep to his old house after we had a great meal and evening, him and me.  Your mom didn’t knew I existed.  Your dad told her that he no longer felt the love and desire towards her to continue to be with her, though.

And now, after so may ups and downs, I think that we are pretty settled.  Your dad and I are thinking about living together… It’s more “official’, now.  And you…

I am so afraid that you will grow up to hate me.  I want to show you that I love you so much, that I will be there for you.  There are so many things I want to do with you, as you will grow older.  But I’m afraid, also, to not be “mommy material”.  I sometimes feel awkward when there are people around and you are there… Like I’m inadequate.  Like I don’t have what it takes, and like I don’t know much about babies.  But I want to learn so much ! I can only hope that the future will bring us close, and that your mother and me are going to be able to have a polite contact with each other, when she will learn my existence. 

I’m looking forward to hear you laugh and cry again.  You are the sweetest baby of all.
I love you,

Your new stepmom.
xxx

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on April 21, 2009.

4 Responses to “Dear Stepchild”

  1. This might should say your want to be stepmom. You might should got read on The Other Woman discussion boards to see how Separated Married Men bomerang back and forth between houses. And just to share everyone in an affair tells themselves they met their soul mate. Did you know that only 3% of Married men leave and stay gone? How long has your man been gone?

  2. Does this dad call his child a mistake? What a wonderful fantastic man you have! Does your “soul mate” know you call his child a mistake?

  3. I think you are laughably delusional

  4. I just wanted to say, I’m really impressed that you have made this journey, that you knew it wasn’t the child’s fault – even if the child was the stumbling block – and you put work into changing your attitude. When you love a child from when he or she is very small, and you are this good at separating your needs and wants from theirs… I really don’t think they will grow up to hate you. Quite the opposite.

    Good luck with your relationship with the Mum, but try to keep your expectations of her low for now. Your presence is going to be a real shock – give her time and give her space.

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