Dear Husband

I love you so much and have loved you so much for so very long.  I remember when I would think ahead to marrying you and being a part of your life; I would get excited and think of all the great things we would do as a couple and family.  Those dreams changed to reality real fast, all the family time of games, park visits and fun came crashing down to reality when I realized every weekend through the summers would be spent at a softball field, that family vacations and solo vacations would need to be planned around softball tournaments, that your first priority is being a coach, then your children and finally your relationship.  All those dreams and excitments were long gone before we ever said I do.  That once we enter a softball park I’m no longer relevant in your life because I don’t swing a bat or catch a ball; that you and your ex wife expect me to parent your 3 yr old while you coach but when I do she gets pissed or she does even worse by undermining it.  that you don’t think you have to be a father to the child that doesn’t play sports yet…all because your a coach.  Well coach, something you need to learn is that you’re a parent first, coach second and sadly a husband third.  I think you lived a separate life from your ex for so many years that you don’t know how to live in a partnership and communicate, we have problems my dear husband, bigger problems than the ex wife, step kids and bio kid, WE as a couple have problems, you don’t want to see them, you don’t want to hear me when i speak, you just want me to be there so you don’t have to be alone?  Who’s with me when I go to my son’s games, parent/teacher conferences, parent meetings for sports, etc  NO ONE, I do it ALONE because his father chose not to be here and that’s his father’s choice, but you’re not doing ANYTHING alone, you might not like who you do have to partner with but that was your choice so many years ago when you said you felt it was the next step; but yet four years into your marriage you were still unhappy and brought a child into the mix and then another three years and more unhappiness and wow let’s add another kid and then almost ten years into it and many fights about no more kids and wow lets do it again?  How effing stupid are you?  Just curious.
Yes, i’m pissed off, but most of all I’m hurt, hurt because I give my heart and soul to this FAMILY and you and your ex fuck it up; neither one of you know how to parent and neither one of you has been willing to learn.  I’m not going to have my heart broken anymore….you two will parent your children and I will parent mine, I’m strong but I’m not strong enough to parent four kids and two adults on my own.
I love you but you have got to realize the damage in our relationship and it’s got to be repaired or we will be just another statistic.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on April 19, 2009.

One Response to “Dear Husband”

  1. I can relate to this so much. I too married a coach and lived my life at the baseball field and basketball court the first few years of our marriage. I was miserable and felt my life had been taken away for someone else’s hobby. I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to go to every game to be involved and the pressure of always being there no longer exists. My husband is still a coach, but when he’s @ the ball field, I’m doing things that I enjoy with my child or friends and family. It’s important that you retain your own individuality in your relationship.

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