Dear Stepdaughter

I am not angry, just disappointed.  I’m disappointed in the life that we could have had if you would have given me half a chance.  I’m disappointed that you couldn’t take your mom off her pedestal long enough to see that I’m a good person too.    I wish that we would have known each other when you were younger and hadn’t met just months after you were so hurt by your mother leaving.   I wish it would have been different circumstances so that we could have been friends instead of strangers that pass each other on a daily basis. 
I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be, but I have tried to love you and your brother as much as my own and appear to have fallen short in your eyes.   I feel that I’ve gone through several stages with you;
Stage 1 (years 1-3)  I tried to empathize with your situation and give you time to warm up to me. I attempted to do things for you to show you that I thought of you (material and non-material)  I empathized with you and tried to talk through some of our issues and support you with your fears.   
Stage 2 (year 4)  I let go of the notion that we were going to be close and just tried to be who we were.  At times, I became angry that you had such an attitude towards me and my son.  I forgave you time and time again and tried to overcome our differences through love. 
Stage 3 (year 5)  I currently see no hope in our relationship growing and have accepted our lack of a relationship. I believe that you aren’t trying to make things better and you keep me at a distance for your own personal reasons.  I wish it were different. 
All of these stages have spanned 5 years and now I’m at the point that I don’t know what else to do.  I’ve loved you through good and bad and have been there for you no matter what, but you haven’t accepted me and there’s nothing I can do about that.     This weekend, you’re going to be with your mother who’s been in jail and out of your life for 2 years and you will come back a different person than you were when you left.  I’m not looking forward to you coming back to tell you the truth.  Our life is so much easier when you’re gone.
Your Stepmom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on April 4, 2009.

One Response to “Dear Stepdaughter”

  1. I so appreciate the honesty in this letter.

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