To My Stepkids Bio-Mom

There are many mixed emotions I have in regards to you, especially you as a mother. Keeping in mind daily that all the little things I do for these two wonderful children will someday all be worth the while. Whether its always making sure their clothes are clean (unlike when they come back from your continuous house of filth), giving them home cooked plentiful meals (unlike you who never cooks, takes them out to eat practically daily and even makes them share a plate with you as they go hungry so it doesn’t cost you anymore money, or you who depends on his mother (your now ex-mother in law) to cook the food and bring it to your apartment. What I would do to get her stop this and make you have to stand on your two feet and face being a mother to these kids!), always cleaning the house (despite the fact that you never did and still don’t), turning the dryer on every morning to make sure their clothes are warm and non wrinkled when they go to wear them, and displaying to them daily what a real relationship is. No I don’t do all these things for the glory; I do it out of my love and care for them. Just hoping that when they become adults they can look back at how hard I tried and how much I was there for them, when I truly didn’t have to be yet chose to be.
 
You at first want to be angry at me for dating your husband. Need I remind you that the two of you have been separated now for two years as your divorce process continues? Many days you need to remember that you chose to end the marriage and break the family you had. You were the one that sat on those stairs telling him to move on, that you don’t love him anymore. So you gave up the right to pretend anymore that he is your husband and that you all are still a family. You had a husband that always took care of you and a mother in law that always cooked and cleaned your house to make sure the kids and her son did not live within your laziness of a wife and mother. Not to mention the many a days he busted his tail providing for you and the kids, only for you to run and play and deny these children a true mother. It goes back to you only wanting the kids when it is convenient for you or makes you look like an actual mom. But once your point is proven, you ditch them off and proceed with whatever else you find better to do at the time; including leaving them alone while you run off and play.  
 
As he and I get closer to taking the next permanent steps within our relationship, God help us the day you learn that there is a ring on my finger and we are walking down that aisle for him to become my husband. Granted your pending finalized divorce is still holding us from preceding (for now).  I have chosen to not let you control my attitude, stress or household. You no longer to get ruin our days together with your pediness and unbelievable attacks. I do have to thank my future husband for taking most of the burden and dealing with your bi polar self himself. Protecting me from the stress and non sense you love to create.  Even though daily there is an affect on us.
 
I realize when you left you didn’t prepare yourself for the idea of when or what happens if he does move on. Now that he has and you begin to see the wonderful person he is, you now wish you saw it back then. And have even posed the question to him as to why he couldn’t be that way with you and admitting silently to regreting your decision. That being said why can’t you be an adult, own your decision and move on. You do have a boyfriend you are now moving in with. Not for the benefit of the kids, but for the benefit of you. And my future husband is still responsible in you receiving almost $600 a month. Of that funding none of it goes towards the kids. You even have the nerve to tell your daughter you can’t afford the $40 shoes she wants while you are at the mall. So his parents take her to buy the shoes. Then you have the nerve to admit to your ex-mother in law that you are saving the money so you and your beau can buy a house. I have never met such a selfish mother in my life. You are such a shameful waste of a mother. And these kids pay the price. Now coming to realize and second guess what their Bio Mom is all about. But still finding the need to spend time and stay with you, continuing this one week on-off schedule. Mainly due to the fact of the guilt you place on them if they admit they don’t want to spend time with you. And them not wanting to have to choose between the two parents. There are so many things I only wish I could teach these kids mainly to let you go and have your play of time. Especially knowing how much better off they will be as adolescents and young adults.

Sincerely,
His NQW (Not Quite Wife)

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on March 13, 2009.

6 Responses to “To My Stepkids Bio-Mom”

  1. Kudos for you and the efforts you make to show love to your mans children….that sound like will one day be your family.

    In a twisted way, no matter how much we don’t want it, the kids do need to connect with both parents (even when one is a loser). Just keep being the positive influence in their life. Don’t talk bad or represent her as the true slug she is….because as they grow, they will see and learn for them selves and that lesson learned…is so much more powerful than the battle of them defending the loser parent. If that makes sense…

    I’m glad you are finding happiness and hopefully loving this man like he never knew was possible. Work at loving him and the kids…. and not allowing her drama to tear away or steal even a moment of peace and happiness from your home. I am trying to do that myself and it seems almost impossible. I will press on and keep trying… because after all.. I am the winner!

  2. Oh. I could have written this letter. Almost all of it is the same in my situation. I wish you the best! I hope someday I can have you attitude, I am still struggling with my feelings of anxiety surrounding the ex.

  3. i feel your pain and i wish i could look at things the way you do! my story is similiar except i really think my stepkids biomom is worse than yours..you have no idea how much i needed to read this today.

  4. couldn’t have said things better myself… same situation differnt part of the world and same oxygen thief for a bio mother to the 2 beautiful boys who are just starting to realise that mummy plays head games. here’s hoping we both have a good outcome when the kids get old enough to see what’s right and wrong in the world.

  5. You said:

    As he and I get closer to taking the next permanent steps within our relationship, God help us the day you learn that there is a ring on my finger and we are walking down that aisle for him to become my husband. Granted your pending finalized divorce is still holding us from preceding (for now). I have chosen to not let you control my attitude, stress or household. You no longer to get ruin our days together with your pediness and unbelievable attacks. I do have to thank my future husband for taking most of the burden and dealing with your bi polar self himself. Protecting me from the stress and non sense you love to create. Even though daily there is an affect on us.

    How awesome that you show what a STRONG independent woman is who doesn’t take the victim role! Keep holding your head up PROUD!

  6. P.S. Honestly, I too could have written this letter…wow!

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