Letter to my Boyfriend

Honey I love you with all my heart, we’ve been together now for 3 years and I have accepted you and your children willingly and lovingly into my heart. I know you believe that I have some ill will towards your sons but that is not the case. I just know how much more they are capable of and it sickens me that their Mother treats them like garbage and then wonders why they act up. We have made some great leaps in our relationship and have gone through many rough times (now being one of them) but we always manage to keep our heads above water. I’m writing this letter because I feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I am faced more and more each day with what or who I am to your children and to other people. I know you don’t understand this because you are always Dad to them and everyone else but who am I? I am the girlfriend, I am the one who takes them to doctors appointments, checks in with teachers, goes to all their sporting events, gets their prescriptions filled, takes care of them when they are sick. After I do all these things I still feel like a nobody.
 
When other people look at us with your kids they look to you and say so who is this (refering to me) and when I get introduced as your girlfriend I see the look of confusion and “oh this must not be serious” on their face. I know this must seem trivial to you and you don’t care what people think but after three years and eveything we’ve been through (with the late night visits with the police, custody hearings, child support etc) I think I have earned the right to be called a StepMom. I already feel like I do the job but I just don’t get the title. We’ve talked about marriage before and agreed that we would get married eventually but what’s so wrong with being engaged for a while. I’m tired of being refered to as “just the girlfriend”, I want to finally feel like I’m apart of the family officialy.  You children’s friends ask about me even your kids don’t know what to call me and it makes me feel so sad that everyone else has a place in this family except for me. Your kids will always be our kids and I will always treat them with love and respect no matter what or who I am.  No matter what title I have I love you tremendously! I just had to get this off my chest.

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~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on February 25, 2009.

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