Letter to my SD

I am so hurt and disappointed in you. For the last 3 years we have been so close, you used to tell your friends that I was your mom and spend all your time with me. I have sacrificed so much for you, I sat up with you at night comforting you when you had a bad day, I cooked all your meals, bought you school supplies, clothes, I stayed up late to help you paint your bedroom, I helped you with your homework. I shuttled you and your friends all around town, to and from school, volleyball games and been the photographer for all your parties. I am the one that got you out of your horrible house with your drug addicted mother (like you begged me to). I’m the one that paid the attorney to fight for custody, I’m the one that tried to make ammends with your mother until she told me to shove it. You used to hug me and tell me you loved me everyday and even when we talked on the phone. Now I don’t even get a second look as you walk out the door. I have bent over backwards for you and done everything a real mother should and now after everything we’ve been through together and everything I’ve done for you; you betray me.  I have never kept you from seeing your mother, if fact I’ve encouraged it and even helped you to help your mom get off of drugs (which she has) but now I see that every chance you get you tell the world that your mom if your hero and you look up to her. I understand she’s your mom and you should love her and care about her but COME ON! What about the people who were there for you during the hard times, who were helping you with your cutting, cried with you all night because your mom beat you and threated to commit suidide, what about the people who held your hand a waiting all day for your mom to show up for visitation and never did, what about your birthday when she called and said she was on her way and then never came. We didn’t get any thank yous or your my hero and I owe my wonderful life I have now to you. No we get my mom who has only been sober for 5 months is now my all time hero and she can’t do anything wrong. Sure she’s made mistakes in the past but she better now and nothing will ever change that my mom is the best.

Your father and I love you with all our hearts and we tell you that everyday, we make every effort to give you everything you need to succeed and become a strong wonderful person. But it feels like nothing do if good enough for you. All you want is your hero mom and Fuck everyone else, who cares if I almost lost my job because I had to drop you off at school and came in late everyday, who cares if I went without my doctors appointment because you needed new shoes, who cares that even when we were paying childsupport to your mom (which she was using to buy drugs) we still had to buy all your school supplies and clothes and pay for sports stuff. Where was your mom during these things, she should have been there too helping you through all of this but no she was too busy getting high and causing drama to be there for you.

Well I hope you’re very happy now with your sober mother cause you have hurt everyone else around you beause of your selfishness and how ungrateful you are.

I miss my little girl, I am so sad without her.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on February 18, 2009.

5 Responses to “Letter to my SD”

  1. Sounds to me that she is treating you like a mother! Seriously, it seems to me that she is acting like many, many teenage girls do towards their mothers when they reach that age (how many times have we heard about teenage daughters telling their mother that they hate them and slamming the door?!)

    It sounds to me that you are getting treated like the mother and her bio-mom is being treated like an idolized older friend that teenage girls so often hook up with because they seem cool and like they have so many life experiences (even if these are bad experiences)

    Hang in there, ride out the storm and I’m sure one day your little girl will return, having finally realized that the values you instilled in her were the right ones – you have done a good job, trust that that will bear fruit in the end, just like any other mother has to.

  2. Thank you so much I didn’t even look at it tht way. You are absolutley right, wow it’s so nice to have a different perspective on this.
    Thank you again!

  3. Glad to have been of help, hang in there and continue to love her regardless. Good luck!

  4. I’m sorry you are hurting.

    I’d agree with the writer that suggested she is treating you like a ‘mother’. Our daughters can treat us so poorly sometimes. They know we will always love them and always be there for them. They are not afraid of losing us and they should not be. It is no excuse for self centered behavior but it does tend to be typical for the age.

    As for her new found “Hero”… try to understand. She has so desperately wanted her “real” mother to love her and care for her, provide for her. Her bio mother has failed her miserably but you have been there for her (as you should be). Your daughters desire is that her mother would be as good and healthy and caring as you. Try to find a tiny bit of understanding if your daughters “internal need” to somehow lift her mother up, praise her for the pretty feeble attempts she has made… trust that she KNOWS the truth about YOU and who is really there for her. FIND PEACE IN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE PROVIDED HER…. and know that she will return to you. You will probably be the one to lift her up from the reality of her mother failing her again.

    I know it hurts you terribly. I am sorry for that. BUT you have been a great mother… Keep being that mother…. it will all come back around to you.

  5. WOW…. I’m sorry you have to go through this. My SK’s Bio mom committed suicide long before I came in the picture. Reading this… I am glad I don’t ever have to deal with the pain and anguish she could have caused. (As if committing suicide wasn’t pain enough for her beautiful kids.) It’s funny, I felt like my SD idolized her… that is until she read the suicide note. My SS is angry with her and thinks she missed out. It’s such a sad situation. I am praying for you to keep strong and know that you are her MOTHER whether she realizes it or not. Step is a mere title… her Bio Mom is NOT doing her job.

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