Dear Mommys

You have no idea what it’s like to be a step-mom, but you seem to think I have no idea what it’s like to be a mother even though I’m taking care of him. I’ve taken care of him when he’s sick, pick-up after him, drive him around town, he tells me his secrets, jokes, I teach him and do all the things you do. I’m no less of a mother.

You see, I didn’t get this wonderful smart kid that I am amazingly proud of with unconditional love. I had to earn it. Imagine what it’s like to try and give so much love to a child and only start getting hugged back 4 years later. You see I know I’m not his mom, I’m not even related and it makes it harder.

You mommys can be quite full of poison. Saying things like “He has no father figure in his life.” I’m sorry, my husband calls every other day, texts every day and sees him on weekends, has never missed a support payment, goes to every play, concert, etc you tell us about (but when you don’t tell us, how can we go?). But you’ll play it up to your friends and kid so he seems like a dead-beat dad.

You super duper moms with all your activities, it’s so great! I would put him in music lessons, writing lessons, karate and every after school activity he wanted to do. But you know what, his mom refuses to drive him. Nowhere. Nada. Zilch. She won’t even split the driving, even though we live an hour away and would drive up to take him. Ugh!

Please don’t belittle my motherhood either. Some of you super duper moms will talk to me endlessly about your kids, but don’t even ask about mine. I know, I know, you don’t see him as mine, he’s some other woman’s kid, I’m just the step-mom.

Then, when you do listen to me and I tell you about some of the pre-teen angst we’re dealing with, don’t tell me “Oh well you know toddlers are like teenagers, if you don’t experience that, how can you really know how hard it is.” Seriously! Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve had your kid for 2 years, who are you to tell me that I can’t be a good step-mom because I didn’t have this kid when he was two. FUCK YOU!

Oh but then you’ll ask all innocent, “Well, why doesn’t he live with you then?” Sure, well why didn’t I think of that!? We’ll just kick my husband’s ex-wife when she’s down! Afterall, she has no money for a lawyer! Even better, she can’t afford her rent without the $700 a month we send her in child support! Sure, the $2000 we loaned her last year and never saw again, she’ll pay us back for sure! My step-son would love to live with us, it will be so easy for him to tell his mom he doesn’t want to live with her anymore. She won’t give him any guilt trip at all! It’s so easy! Thanks for pointing that out, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.

I can deal with the ex, things aren’t always perfect, life isn’t easy, but somehow ex-wife and I manage not to bad mouth each other. But, you mommys don’t get it. I think you’re scared because we’re the women your husband may one day marry. You judge us even before you’re divorced.

Get off your high mommy horse. Please.

Love,
The step-mom

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on February 16, 2009.

2 Responses to “Dear Mommys”

  1. Some people are just ignorant. And some people are just rude.

  2. Wow. Amen, sister.

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