To my husband

I wonder sometimes how your marriage was with her. Were you the same man with her, that you are with me? I doubt it. I see how she is with you, and everything in her life, which make me think she got the best of you. She got the husband I want and deserve. I think she took something from you that I will never have. The thoughtful, put his wife first husband. I think because of how she treated you, you decided to never give that again, and I will suffer because of it. I think because things went wrong with her you have an I don’t care attitude because you don’t want to get hurt again. I think you have a “my way or the highway” attitude because you gave so much to her and were hurt and don’t want to go through it again. I am not her, and if you care so little about me and about “us” then the fair thing to do is to let me go.

You have two beautiful daughters, that I love with all of my heart. They are “my” girls, but they need “parents” not friends. You and their mother think parenting is a popularity contest, but the thing is who wins? I don’t know who wins, but I know who will lose, the girls. They aren’t learning the lessons they need to learn to be productive adults. I know at times you think I am being too hard, but they need and desire structure. In the long run, it is what makes them know you love them and care about their well being. Instead you let them run amuck and it is destroying our marriage. Do not think that I am saying “they” are destroying our marriage, because it is not them. They are children, and children will do what they can get away with. It is your parenting, or lack there of that is destroying our marriage. It is the fact that you only want to parent when it is a good time for you. It is the fact that you want me to stand up do the parenting as well, but you don’t want to back me up. Soon, I fear our son will be going through the same things our girls are going through. Dealing with divorced parents, and a father who doesn’t care enough to parent….

They need you, I need you, and our son needs you.

Love your “wife?”

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on February 13, 2009.

One Response to “To my husband”

  1. Sounds like a tinge of “guilt” parenting. Well said!

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