To my husband

Sometimes I think you feel that I do not care. Other times you think I care too much.  I am stuck in a hard place here.  I am stuck trying to instill values and morals in our biological son’s life and being a stepmother to your children.  I love them to death.  I’m stuck between playing a nonexistent role and trying to be the best stepmother to children that are told how bad of a person I am by their mother.  Those times that I just come home from work and go to the bedroom and just read or cry.  Those are the days that this situation gets to me.
 
I feel like you are forgetting that outside of being a mother and stepmother I am a wife and a woman.  Those parts of me do not disappear when I put on the other hats.  The current situation is ruining our marriage and souring my take on love.  I am truly becoming jaded. It’s true that when little girls are growing up they don’t say “Gee I want to be a stepmother.”
 
I want our marriage back.  I became a stepmother the day I said I do.  I never once regretted making that choice.  I am not regretting that now either.  I am just asking that between asking me if I remembered to put money in the kids backpacks for their popcorn day.  Mind you money that came out of my pocket for children that I am told I am not allowed to love by their mother.  And asking if I set up our son’s pediatrician appointment.  I want you to grab my waist and pull me into you and just hold me.  Grab and hold my hand for no reason but to show me that you love me.  I need and want those things.
 
I am not asking you to put the children second. I wouldn’t appreciate that at all. You wouldn’t be the father I know you are if you did.  I am just asking you to put as much work into our marriage and me as you do being a father and to the children.  I am not your enemy I am your sidekick in this life.
 
Love Always,
 
Your Wife

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 30, 2009.

3 Responses to “To my husband”

  1. Yes. Yes. Yes.

  2. That was sweetly written….

    I hope you can communicate that to your husband and I hope he can LISTEN and really HEAR what you are saying….

    Hang in there. I try to remind myself that they kids will grow up. This is just a season in our life. Let’s get through it, LOVING Our Man like we did before all the ‘issues of life’ started to jade our hearts and minds.

  3. “I am not asking you to put the children second. I wouldn’t appreciate that at all. You wouldn’t be the father I know you are if you did. I am just asking you to put as much work into our marriage and me as you do being a father and to the children. I am not your enemy I am your sidekick in this life.”

    Beautifully put, I hope you can say that exact thing to him.

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