My Dearest Husband

I adore you. I am delighted and honored to be married to you. I love making our life together. You are a generous and compassionate husband, and we fit together so well.

I do not like being a stepmom to your children. They don’t like me, whether by their own decisions or by what they are fed by your ex-wife. I know I am not their mother, that is constantly clear. I don’t always know the exact right thing to do, and I am emotionally exhausted from being constantly corrected by a 6 year old. I want to give up. When I try to engage and am constantly ignored, it emotionally exhausts me. I want to draw back, go to work, go out of town, go to get coffee. I don’t like being yelled at, spit on, kicked. Our relationship is so firmly grounded in love and respect, I don’t understand how they can be so different from you.

But then I remember. Your ex-wife. I do not like interacting with your ex-wife. I know you don’t either, probably more than me. I don’t like her fake smiles to me one second and her glaring eyes to you the next. I would rather she just glare at me, at least that would be honest. I can’t deal with the way she yells at you in front of the children. If she would think about them and not just herself for a moment, she would see that it hurts them. I can’t stand the way she manipulates them in front of us and then lies at court. I can’t stand the way she hurts the children and then cries that she is acting in their best interest. I have never felt so much disgust and pity for another person as I have for her. I am a non-violent and peace-seeking person, but I really want to hit her. Hard. I don’t think it is the right thing to do, and I certainly don’t think it would make anything better, but I don’t know what else to do with the feelings that come up when I even think of her. And I know you are dealing with your own feelings, so I don’t want to burden you with more.

I love you. I am with you and for you. But I think I need your help with your children. I want to be a part of your family, but the effort is to much for me alone.


~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 18, 2009.

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