Dear All Stepmoms

You all should be commended. Whether you’re married, nearly married or domestically partnered you should try to remember this one thing: you’ve done something not all women could muster the courage to do.

You rarely hear a girl say she wants to be a stepmom when she grows up. Most girls grow up to be women with a fantasy that rarely includes a partner who already has children. 

I have friends and family members that dated people with kids. They couldn’t bring themselves to commit to someone that had a priority in their lives that wasn’t them. It’s sad, but a lot of women feel this way. Think about that the next time you question whether or not you’ve made the right decision.

Don’t forget about the inner strength that you already have. The strength that has made it possible for you to endure negative comments about your role in the family, about your cooking, your hair, your home, etc. You’ve got mad skills in the dealing with crap department. People should write songs, books and movies about you.

You are an amazing creature.

Don’t forget that there are other women out there like you. There are places you can turn to where venting  is not only an option, it’s a requirement.

Don’t forget that life will probably hand you a few more lemons before the kids are grown and it’s just you and your husband. But you’re a stellar lemonade maker so you’ll make it work. You may not have the biological child that you’ve longed for or your stepchildren may have major problems at school, at mom’s house, etc., but you’re strong.

You’ll make it through. We all will.

~ by Stepfamily Letter Project on January 17, 2009.

12 Responses to “Dear All Stepmoms”

  1. I needed to hear that this morning. Thank you! 🙂

  2. Love this post!

  3. Thank you. I don’t know a single woman who does not doubt herself or her choices to some degree, and I think we all need to hear this over and over again. And I second it! We are amazing, aren’t we??

  4. Love LOVE LOVE to everyone it is true It takes a strong woman to be a stepmom and a heart of gold too!!

  5. Thank you. ❤

  6. OMG. I needed to read this now more than ever. I have never felt so low in all my life. My husband things I am being unfair and my ss just seems to relish in the drama he is able to muster up.
    For two years I have endured. Thank you for this letter!

  7. Thank you, Thank you for this post! There is rarely things you find praising the work of all Step moms out there. It is quite the undertaking that we get into unselfishly. There are some days I feel like I try so hard and nothing seems good enough. It takes a very strong person to be a stepmom and no its not for everyone, but I dont regret it at all.

  8. This made me feel good. Thank you so much for posting this. Stepmoms rarely get any credit, much less the credit we deserve; it really is a thankless job. Heck, we don’t even have a nationally recognized holiday like the biomoms/dads do!

  9. Wow

    Thank you for taking the time to write. I am hopeful after reading your post and it makes all the difference.

  10. Thank You! Really! I am glad I did not know the toll all this would take on my marraige, health and my bio son. I love my husband and my daughters and would have missed out on my life with them if I had known what was coming. Your words remind me the good has outweighed the bad and that I cam be stong and indure.

  11. I think its dumb to say that the dude’s wife is not his priority. The marriage is his primary priority. EVERYthing else comes second.

  12. THANK YOU! What a rough ride these past 8 years have been. I keep thinking it will get better, but not by much. I will be writing soon!

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