Dear Step-Parent to my kids
I can only imagine what you have been told to allow you think it is ok to try to minimize & diminish my relationship with my children.
Unfortunately, this behavior continues to prove how much you have been manipulated into believing things about me that aren’t true. While your opinion doesn’t matter to me, my children do matter to me. What you and my ex say around my kids concerns me, what you two ‘subtly’ infer to around the kids doesn’t do anything other than minimize who these children are, the core of who they are as part of this family and as individuals. Building strong, healthy minded, rational, caring, independent children takes work, encouragement, and a strong sense of who they are as individuals.
While you are nearing 50, this are the first kids you have been around to assist in raising, you need to learn what your boundaries are. What is said around the kids does affect who they are. There are volumes of documented cases where kids are unable to believe in who they are because of the damage a parent/step-parent does by discouraging relationships with the other parent.
I suggest you do your homework, study the divorce agreement (don’t leave it to your spouse to give you their interpretation of the agreement). Maybe take a parenting course, realize that these children HAVE a healthy established relationship with me. When you are around them, making ME seem bad only hurts them. IF you are to be an effective step parent I suggest you consider what is important to the kids and not what is important to your spouse when it comes to the parent/child relationship.
While my ex and I are not together WE are still a family, YOU are the addition, you do have a responsibility to step lightly when dealing w/my children and me. You are expendable, should my ex not be able to take care of our kids, they would be immediately in my custody. Realize your position, you are the current spouse of my ex, you are the step-parent to my children, nothing else. You will never be their biological parent, you will never have them legally as ‘your kids’, but for now, you do have a responsibility to them as their current step-parent. Make sure you are proud of the job you do – because if you don’t they will learn to resent both you and my ex-spouse all on their own.
The parent of my 2 loving kids