To My Ex-Husband
Such a lovely new life you have. A new wife, new dogs, two new children. A new place to call home. Even a new car, new clothes.
A new look. (Was the rapid weight gain because she’s also a bit heavy?)
A new habit. (How did you go from rarely smoking to a pack a day in two months flat?)
It’s as if the old you is gone forever. It’s as if you made up your mind to become someone new, and you never looked back.
I resent your forcing your new life on our daughter. Less than a week after I knew of your infidelity and asked you to move out, you took our daughter out to dinner with your new love. And you introduced our daughter to your new love as, well, your new love! How wise of you to do that. The icing on the cake was when you told her not to tell me. (Did you really think that she wouldn’t tell me?)
It has been 7 years since we separated. So much water has gone under the bridge. And yet. Still. You don’t get it.
You don’t understand that I will never respect your now-wife because at one time she was merely your mistress. You don’t understand that I judge you for never calling our daughter, and you can’t regain that respect. You don’t understand that I don’t respect you because you still, after all these years, lie to me over the pettiest things.
I’ve heard what you said about me. I’ve heard the spin that you put on our story. Your parents, ministers of the gospel, stood in front of hundreds of people in order to stop the rumors. They lied about what happened. Bold-faced, made-up lies. Fiction. They defamed me and accused me, and said you were doing everything you could for our daughter. And they welcomed your new wife, who wasn’t even so much as a live-in girlfriend of a few months at the time, into your family with loving arms. While they never called me to find out if I was ok. Or if their granddaughter was ok.
I know people think I am cruel, controlling, and heartless. That I turned you away despite your pleas to stay with our marriage. I know that people think I am sarcastic and proud and over-confident. I know that they think I did these things to hurt you. I know that they think I am hurting our daughter because of they way I treat you. It would be easy to believe; afterall, isn’t that the truth about every ex-wife?
The problem is, what they know is lies. It’s all lies. Any one of my true friends, the ones who bothered to call me and find out how I was doing when you left, they know a completely different story. The true story.
So you and your wife can tell whatever story you want of the past. Just know you are living in lies. And you have a daughter, my daughter, who watches you perpetuate those lies over and over and over and over and over and….
best of luck to you in the future,
the first woman you promised you would be true to